Just Enough Time To Be Random ~

Hannah was telling me a story of something that happened to her and at the end of it she said, "and I was FREAKED out!"

We were watching the "Muppet Caper" this afternoon and Hannah asked, "Mom? Could all of them (pointing to Kermit, Piggy and the gang) come over to our house? We can make room. We have two couches!" "Mom? Do we have enough room to have them ride in our car? In the back seat, put some more car seats in?"

Josh, Hannah and I were reading a story and Josh points to the doll's dress and says, "Dress." Then points to her feet and says, "shoes."

Josh is also saying very clearing I must add, "WHAT?" To Hannah especially when she asks him a question. lol.

I gave Josh about 1/4 of a sandwich to eat in the car. When I turned around after a couple of minutes, he had shoved the whole thing in his mouth and it was stuck to the roof of it. It took him about 7-10 mins to finally swallow it. I gave him a shocked look and he just smerked like he new what he did and everything was under control. What a boy.

Hannah has been loving me like a girl plucking pedals from a flower. I love you mommy....I don't love you mommy. Mommy, I LOVE you....I DON"T love you mommy. No rollercoaster or anything.

My kids pull me in two opposite directions. I love to be with them. They are intrigueing and entertaining, but I also want to run away from them when they are demanding simutaniously and the word Mommy is my least favorite word. The joys of being a parent.

Sorry this was so short, but these days I am just trying to manage. I have been reading blogs though and catching up. Hopefully I will start to get more active in the friendship department. I've really retreated since vacation and that's not good. Sorry about that. I love each of my friends dearly. You are very special. Thank you for loving me even through my ups and downs, my failures and successes. Good night ~

Art Festival ~

Just a couple of my favorite pictures from our fun outing with Brian's parents. It was a beautiful day. Did anyone else go?

I Just Had To Write This One Down ~

Today was a bit difficult. I wish I could say I was one of those moms who is a saint almost when it comes to rearing her children, but I am not. They were too much for me to handle. Running, screaming, asking questions, whinning, dumping all of their toys on the floor (in different rooms I must ad), wanting to help in the kitchen with what I was cooking, wanting this wanting that. Do I want another one? Ah, not right now, no. But this was so funny, I so wanted to start laughing.

Hannah was too wound up before bed. It was almost 7pm and I wanted my down time to detox so I insisted on bedtime. We have a three check your disciplined rule in our house and she earned three checks in less than a minute. I told her that she was going to get disciplined if she came out of her room once. She went potty, brushed teeth, everything was set. When I was saying goodnight, I asked her if she wanted me to pray and she scratched me on the face. I said 'okay that's it.' I prayed and walked to the door she started to break down and cry and kick. I was firm with her and told her she hurt my feelings by scratching me and closed the door.

It was so peaceful for almost an hour, until I hear footsteps coming down the stairs. Could this be, could she really be testing me? She opened the door. I calmly asked her what was so important that she would risk coming down to get me. This is what she said, "Mom, ah, I just wanted to say that I am sorry for hurting your feelings. I didn't mean to. When your feelings get hurt it makes you upset, angry and gushy and that isn't good. So I am sorry." Okay was she really stewing (I know wrong spelling) about this for almost and hour and decided she would risk getting disciplined to come and tell me that? Or was this a sneaky ply to get me to let her stay up some more? Ah...I didn't want to get into it with her so I decided to believe her and said thank you, that it was nice of her to say she was sorry and put her right back to bed. My three year old girl. She is a handful for me, but definitely worth it. There is never a dull moment with her around.

I'm Committed !

Okay, I am giving my life, my gifts, talents, passions, dreams totally and fully to God. I am ready to give Him all of me.

I am sitting outside on the deck writing music. It is tough. I am doubting myself, but I am having a BLAST!! I love writing. I love music. I love pouring my heart out for God and for His glory. It is the best feeling in the world. He is the Dream Giver and I am pursuing His dream. Okay God, it's you and our family. Take us, what we humbly have and use it, bless it, and enlarge our territory. We are ready to be used by you God. And excited. = )

Dads ~

I am way behind on blogging. There is so much to blog about, but little time to sit and focus on writing. Fortunately I have been up since 3:30am because Hannah came in wanting to sleep with me and now my mind is spinning and I can't get back to sleep. So I will start posting again. Please forgive me if it is a little lame to go back to what I was going to post on Father's Day. That is how behind I am lol.

It is such a blessing to have an amazing dad in my life. It would take forever to explain how amazing my dad is. He has been my councelor ever since I could remember. I would go to him with almost everything. He would let me come into his office home or work and talk to him for an hour about life and he would sit and listen. Then he would offer his wisdom and another perspective which would be so helpful in formulating a solution to whatever we were discussing. He was very diplomatic about things and always allowed me to have my own opinion. (that is why I am so opinionated and strong-willed lol) I felt respected and equal in my abilities to men. He is also a very tender man. He would sit with me in the evenings after dinner and tickle my back as he watched the news or hockey on tv. He could do that for an hour or more to show me how much he loved me. I also have a wonderful memory of him taking care of his mom in the hospital as she suffered through Dementia before she died. He would clip her nails, wash and brush her hair, paint her toenails, massage her back, sing and pray with her, take her for walks and out to eat. He was and is a great example of loving others at all times. He could put himself in their shoes and walk with them through what they were going through.

He also taught me so much about fishing and loving the outdoors. I absolutely LOVE flyfishing. It is one of the best hobbies to have. I have so many great memories of fishing out in our floatubes til the moon was out, not wanting to come in because of how serene and beautiful it was and how great the fishing was. = ) He was my mentor and teacher in music. I watched him and learned so much about being a musician. He gave me lots of opportunities to pursue my passions in singing and acting. He wanted me to thrive in what God had given me.

He also was a great example of what a pastor looked like and was suppose to be. I grew up as a pastor's kid and saw and experienced a lot of things, but my dad always kept his integrity and honor through it all. His relationship with God is real and evident in everything he says, does and feels. He is a true follower of Christ. So now as I am a pastor's wife I am able to glean from all of what I've learned from him and my mom and strive to live as they do, showing Christ's love through my life in all things as much as I can.

He loves our kids and adores them. They are now blessed to have such a great Opa to look up to and learn from.




Now my husband, Brian, is another dad who deserves to be honored. When we got married I wasn't sure how Brian would be as a dad. He had a difficult experience with his own father and he wasn't so sure he wanted to be a dad anytime soon so I was left wondering how our lives would play out. So we waited for four years until Hannah was born. Brian was hoping for a boy to rough house with, but when little baby Hannah came out, he was the first one to hold her and see her and he absolutely fell in love with her. They bonded instantly and still she can almost do no wrong in his eyes. He cherishes every moment he spends with his kids. I watch him when he plays and interacts with Hannah and Josh and he shows them equal love and attention. He respects them and shows interest in everything they do. They are definitely a huge part of his life.

I've been the bad cop and he's been the good cop for so long, but recently he had to discipline Hannah for going out into a busy street. After, I looked at him and said how are you doing? and he replied, "I think that hurt me more than it hurt her." He is a real softy when it comes to those two. He loves to be rough with Josh and for the most part Josh is all over that, but sometimes Brian is a little too rough and Josh will start to cry. Brian's eyes soften and he picks Josh up and holds him saying, "I'm sorry bud, I didn't mean to be so rough." He would do anything for them and it is obvious.

He is a great day and will continue to be as they get older. I know they will learn a lot of wisdom from their dad. He also is starting to teach Hannah how to play the violin. She got a little real one and they have a lesson during his days off. I never realized what a great teacher he was. He is so patient with her and encouraging. She always learns something new each time she plays. I will be very surprised if our kids are not musical in some way.

What a great dad his has become. I am very proud of him and look up to him so much.


So thank you dad and Brian for being wonderful examples and blessings in my life. When I stop to thank God for what he has given, I am overwhelmed with thanks for two great men in my life I adore.

Pictures ~

I finally got enough courage to post some pictures with some encouragement from a friend. So here are some that were taken recently I'd like to share.

My Cousin ~

Cassie is still in the children's hospital being monitored. They are going to have a meeting with the doctors and counselors to decide if she needs to be transferred to another facility. As of now she is not allowed to see anyone other than her immediate family. I really wanted to be up there with her, but looks like that won't be good for her right now. Thank you for all of your prayers. There is definitely a battle that she is going through.

Pray ~

I have so many thoughts running through my head. Where do I begin? I find myself to be a pretty godly person. I love the Lord with all my heart and I am totally devoted to Him.

But I get glimpses of how inferior I actually am to Him and His glory through the way I think and the things I do that I am speechless. I think about myself way too much. Who cares anyway. I think about making the yard look nice, what should the kids and I do to pass the time, oh, I know we'll go to the grocery store and then we can go for a walk with a friend. After that hopefully they will have their naps and then we can do something as a family. During nap time I read, maybe say a quick prayer, breathe in deeply, take a shower. My prayers are more, "God get me through this day. I am tired. What will the day look like? I am bored. May You be glorified in it whatever it turns out to be." But is He?

Why am I writing all of this? Because, As I am thinking these things my cousin is in emergency at the hospital trying to regain conciousness due to an overdose of pills. Last night Hannah woke me up at 1:30, 2:00am, and I didn't get back to sleep til 3:30am. What was a praying about? Myself. God please help me get back to sleep. God please protect us. God why am I still awake. I missed a very important opportunity to ask God what and who I should be praying for. If He woke me up for another reason and start praying for others, my family, my friends, the GP's of this country, for our church. I missed the boat. Thankfully my eyes have been opened a bit to see that...

Life is truly about being God-focused, serving and praying for others, and less of myself. I am too quick to talk about what I think about this or that. Or about what is affecting me. My cousin is trying to commit suicide and I am concerned about me.

I am so thankful that God has reveiled himself, through humility and perspective. It's not about me at all, in any way. God's will, will indeed be done. I need to change my focus to be centered on Him, to be quiet and quick to listen, and to be disciplined to pray without ceasing for everyone I can think of.

Cassie needs all the intercession she can get. There is a battle for her life between God and Satan. We need to pray that she will open her heart to the Lord and return to Him. He is the true conqueror. Satan's battle has already been lost. There is still a chance for her. Pray.

Time For a New One ~

I don't know how some of you do it. Putting your photo albums and music on your blogs. I am stumped. I went to blogger help and the steps to post a picture of myself is so time consuming. I have been thinking of posting more pictures and also music. I love those options on some of yours. = ) How many hours do you spend updating your blogs. Could any of you help me with these upgrades? I was also thinking of posting songs that I've been writing. Would that be totally wierd or what? I thought it would be a great place to have them and maybe they could be received well by others. I don't know. As you can tell I am a bit insecure about the whole thing.

Anyways, today was very interesting. My lovely Hannah didn't want to take her nap and her mother flipped out. It is such a long story that frankly I am too tired to tell, but all I can say is I am going to bed in 10 mins because I am emotionally, and mentally fried. Brian saved me by coming home early so I could go lay down and have some space. He is back at work, hopefully will be home soon. He had his mustang looked at in the shop. The owner was a big guy and a bit intimidating. We went there to drop off Brian and the guy looked at me and said "HE"S THE MAN!! WHAT HE SAYS GOES!" I was dumpfounded. I guess he was mad at me because Brian asked if he could come and get the car a little later because the kids were still sleeping and he had to wait for me to drop him off. I asked him out the window what about the kids sleeping? And he said, "IT DOESN'T MATTER! HE"S THE MAN, HE"S THE MAN!" Circling his chest with his finger. Okay that was just weird. Thankfully, Brian came home and put me at ease about the whole thing. I was thinking in the back of my head that Brian would come home and rule the house. You know how your mind wanders sometimes. At least mine does. But no, he said he had an opportunity to get to know the guy and that he was Johovah's Witness. Brian got a chance to tell him he was a pastor at a Chrisian church. It sounds like they are going to get together and talk about religion Monday. So let's pray for Brian and I'll post what happens. = )

My friend Molly, was honored at a party last night. It was so much fun. Angie did a great job. She is so thoughtful. Nothing was left out. I have to say it is starting to hit me that she and her family are leaving really soon. What am I going to do without my dear friend Molly? Her little girl, Sarah is Hannah's best friend. They are the same age. Thankfully she won't be moving too far away, but still she is one of those friends that will always have a special place in my heart. I know many of you can agree about her. She is so special. I am truly so thankful for her friendship. Hannah loves Sarah too so much. I finally told her about their move. It hasn't hit her yet. Boy life can be hard sometimes. What IS the meaning of life? That IS the question.

Memorial Day Weekend ~

So you heard about my mini vacation, what was yours? Did you get a chance to get out and do something fun this weekend?

Mini Vacation ~

We are having a little vacation with my parents, the kids and I. Brian is doing some much needed home improvements and getting a lot done. It has been so nice to watch the kids with their grandparents. The bonds with family are so important. Josh adores my dad. He hugged him and when my dad picked him up, Josh laid his head down on his shoulder for 10 mins just giving his Opa loves.

The kids have been saying some great things lately. Josh's new words are, "outside", "home", "why?", "mommy", "watch (as in watch this guys), "umm", "ruff", "meow", "all done", "no", "I want this" and the coolest thing was today he sang on pitch the beginning of Barney's "I love you" song. "I love you, I love me, menemeneamily" It was incredible. Poor Brian this always happens to him. The kids do something amazing and he is away.

Hannah is just cute. What else can i say. She wanted to walk with the umbrella all by herself. All you could see was this umbrella walking beside me very slowly I might ad, trying to find its way up the side walk. I enjoy life through her eyes. We're in my parents guest bathroom and she says, "there are TWO sinks mom!! I can't BELIEVE IT!" We don't have that luxury at our house. = ) We went garage saling yesterday and everytime we would find one she'd say "ANOTHER ONE!!" "YEA!!!!!" She was so focused on finding a ring, we got her a bike, a watch, but that wasn't good enough, finally we found a ring. She is a grown up now.

All in all these two kids of mine just make me laugh. They are a joy and a challenge, but mostly a joy.

Parents House ~

Kid Moments ~

Hannah: "Can I talk to you?"

Daddy: "Hannah, can you go sit on the couch and wait until your mommy and I are done talking?"

Hannah: Quiet

Hannah:"Daddy, can I tell you something?"

Daddy: "Just a minute Hannah."

Hannah: "But I've been waiting such a long time."

Priceless.

We were very busy today, leading worship with the kids in childcare all morning, little break, come back for Team Meeting, lead it, and then bible study. So after church around lunchtime Hannah wanted me to tell the Rodolf the Red Nose Raindeer story in the car. (I have my own version) So it was pretty long, but good. lol. Anyway, at 9:00pm on the way home she wanted me to tell it to her again. I said no, but she insisted, so I said I would tell her the short version. Well, I tried to shorten it a bit, but after it was done she laughed and said, "Wow mom that was long!"


Josh and I are totally bonding with our own lovey codes. Josh started to say "ummmm" (wonder where he got that from), so now we look into each others eyes and say ummmm then nock our heads together, still starring into our eyes, with big smiles on our faces. Ah, he just melts me. I can't help it. It's our little code and I love it.

Be Quiet Austin I Am Trying To Think ~

It is too funny. Austin is an over 100 lbs. Golden Retriever and he is breathing really, really heaving right now. HAAAHHHH, HAAHHHHHH, HAAAHHHHHH, HAHHHAHHH. If a little dog did this it would be cute, but since he is sooo big it is almost shaking the house. Not quite, but still it is hard to think. = ) I love him though. He has been a great dog. We got him when he was a month old. Brian and I spontaneously drove from Palm Desert California 7-8 hours up to Bakersfield just to get this dog. He was the runt of the litter, the last available purebred and when we got there a little pug dog peed on his little puppy face. It was soo funny. He was our baby. Not a baby anymore, no way.

Today was a good day. Weird a bit in the morning. I had probably the worst dream in my life. Why does that happen? Brian and I watched the Twin Towers movie, which was good, but disturbing. I am the type of person who places myself in that situation and almost lives it out like it was reality. So those two things made my heart feel very anxious and unsettled.

I read two things in the bible that spoke to me and helped calm my spirit. The first one was Psalm 55:2 "Attend to me and answer me, I am restless and distraught in my complaint and must moan." v.22 "Cast you burden on the Lord (releasing the weight of it) and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to fail." This was awesome to be reminded of because sometimes I get into this frame of mind where I think I have to have to fight a negative spirit with positive thoughts. And I do believe that we should, but there are times I don't have the strength to be positive and I need a place to vent. It was so refreshing to hear that "the man after God's own heart" David, was able to moan and complain to God. I find that when I do this the Holy Spirit corrects my thinking for me and calms me down with peace and perspective.

The second verse was I Corinthians 10:13 "...God is faithful(to His word and to His compassionate nature), and He can be trusted not to let you be tempted and tried and assayed beyond your ability and strength of resistance and power to endure, but with the temptation He will always also provide the way out, that you may be capable and strong and powerful to bear up under it patiently." Thanks God. I am so glad I can come it him for help and that He will never put be through anything I cannot handle. After I read those I felt so much better.

The rest of the day I met with my neighbor friend for awhile and then had a play day with some of Josh's little girl-friends. = ) They are soo cute together, all about the same height and even hair color, born within a month from each other. I hope we get to do that more often. It's fun to watch our kids grow up, ya know. And they are so dag gon CUTE!!

Happy Mother's Day ~

What a nice day to celebrate Mother's Day. It was breezy, but the sun was shining. We went to Red Robin for dinner and then took the kids to the park. I had a much needed nap and didn't do any cleaning. Hey it's Mother's Day. Brian gave me a very kind card with lots of writing in it. (he can be a man of few words) and the movie "Music and Lyrics." If you haven't seen it you should rent it. It was a cute romantic movie and since we like music we could relate to it on another level as well. = )

Well, I just wanted to say Happy Mother's Day. Have a wonderful week. I think it is suppose to be beautiful weather the next couple of days. Is it time to wear flip/flops? Hannah is dying to get a pair. She asks every boy or girl who is wearing them if she could try them on, stranger or not. Too funny.

A Jumble in My Nogin ~

What a title eh?

Finally, peace and time. The best combo for sitting down and writing a post on my blog. Ya know what happens? I start reading everyone else's blog and by the time I want to post anything I am worn out and can't think of anything to say.

So I've waited quite a bit and now I have so much in my brain I can't think of where to start.



Hannah and I painted our nails this afternoon when Josh was sleeping. She asked again and finally I couldn't say no. I painted her toes and fingers a light purple with glitter and she painted my toes (my nails were painted by moi). = ) I was going to post a picture of my glamorous toes, but I don't have the camera cord to inport pictures. Such is life. Hannah did a great job she was very careful and serious about it. She is such a girl.

That was probably my favorite moment of the day. Today was mostly exhausting. She got disciplined twice and was very testy and angry about stuff today. Where did that attitude come from. My nerves were on the edge with her. And I hate disciplining her. It is the worst feeling in the world (almost), but what can a parent do when there is attitude behind being disobedient? Josh also had a time out in his crib for disobeying and standing on the chair when I looked him in the eye and told him to sit down. He is smart. He looked at me like, what are you going to do about it? So after his episode he was much better and the next time he stood up all I had to do was look at him and he sat right down. They start testing soooo early, he's 18 months now.

Thankfully Brian came home for a quick dinner before heading back out for rehearsal. I hugged him longer than normal just be close to another adult, a friend, my love. It made me get through the rest of the evening. Isn't that funny, he was only home for less than an hour. I think the kids needed him too. Why would they want to be around a mom who was correcting them all day. I know I wouldn't.

So that was our day. I am now sitting on the back deck under our umbrella table, drinking in the rest of the sun and the rustling leaves on the trees. Thank you God for peace.

I've been writing a lot still. It's been a great outlet for me. In my Beth Moore study, "Breaking Free," I just learned that God wants to reveal his glory through us. That is how I see these songs as being a way for Him to show himself to me and hopefully to others who hear them. What an awesome feeling. The one that I finished for the Mother's Day tea is called, "I Celebrate the Seasons of Life" It's neat how it came together. Ya know how blogging is such a great way to pour what going on in your life out and share a part of you with others. Well so is songwriting. And the funny thing about all of this is that I never, ever saw myself as a writer. Because I never wrote anything. Especially anything good! So I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is speaking through me. It has to be Him.

The "Breaking Free" study has been really good. I am not an indepth bible study kinda gal. I am more of a free spirit who likes to do my own thing, but Beth Moore is really bringing the Whole bible to life. She makes you think. What exactly is going on in my heart? Who exactly is God in my life? And yes, there are things I need to break free from. There are sides to me that are ugly. I don't like how I can get angry and be mean with my words. Yuk! I don't like how insecure I can be about myself and accomplishments. Did you know that insecurity can make you proud? I didn't until now. How I worry about almost everything, and how I have to give so much of it to God everyday. Aren't we suppose to be over these things by now. I have been a christian since the age of 6 and fully devoted to Christ since 17 years old. What is my problem?

Well, what I've concluded is that I will always fall short of the glory of God. That he is loving me through what I deal with. I have spent more time reading the Bible by reading a chapter in Psalms, Isaiah, and now in 1st Corinthians everyday, watching CBN, Joyce Meyer, this study, and crying out to God about everything going on in my head without holding back. I am convinced that since I am having time with Him daily I am drawing closer to Him. I am reflecting more of His glory by doing these things. It is breaking me free from the garbage that holds me back from fufilling His purposes for my life. I have to say I love having my relationship with God. More than I ever have. I cling to him.

So those are the deeper things I'm doing, now back to earth, there is a huge pile of laundry on the guest bed staring me in the face right now and do I want to do anything about it? NO WAY!!! I'm done for today. = )

Hannah's On A Roll ~

Hannah: "Can I have more beans please?" (third helping at dinner)

Brian: "Beans will give you stinkers."

Hannah: "Beans will make me stink?!?"

Brian: "Yep."

Hannah: "Can I have some more please!!" (with a big smile on her face)

Later on that evening...

Hannah: (loud tooting noises with a look of concentration) Then with a big smile of relief and acomplishment she turns to her dad and says: "Stinkers, they make me stink."


The End ~

Funny ~

Okay I am online right now reading blogs and such. Brian just came upstairs to make coffee and Hannah is sitting beside me eating some breakfast. She just finished asking Brian, "Dad? Why don't you have panties on?" LOL!!! Brian: Uh, well boys don't wear panties, they wear boxers, underwear. "So boys don't wear panties on girls do?" Brian: Yep. And I got to wittness the whole thing.

I am planning to write something more substantial soon. = )

Hello All ~

It's been awhile, I know. Sorry about that. I just have to say that I have spent the last hour figuring out how to post all of my "bloggerbuds" as links. What a job! I was going to update everyone on things, but now I am thinking I need to go to bed. I leave you with some highlights of the kids.

Hannah:

"Mommy, is Daddy taking his Mustache home?" (meaning Mustang)
"Wow, there is all about hockey!" (we were watching a bit of a hockey game)
"I finished my food all"
"Mommy, Why do bats hang upside down when they sleep?"
"Joshy, come here, Joshy!!"
"Mom can the big blobby come to our house?" (the bacteria monster at the AGFest last weekend) "How would he get in our house? He is too big." "Well, we can just get a big door for him." lol
"Mommy, I want to watch Happy Toes. Can we watch Happy Toes now?" (Happy Feet)

Joshua:

"I want this!!"
"Rice"
"I want some more!!"
"Mine!!"
"Byeeee" (with some blown kisses)
"Mom!! MAHM!!"
"Up"
"lskadjfoinafoeijaoe lasjdofijaeofn pkdafoeijangoriag aslfjeoijfe oafneonfaeo aojdfaoiejfoane dnoajfoajefan " (no translation)

(Notice how everything is loud)

Good night all!

Hannah's Night Night ~

"Okay Hannah time to go to bed."

"But I don't want to go to bed"

"I know, close your eyes and think of good things"

"hmmm....like....rainbows, and...ponytails, and....jewels,....and Sarah?"

"Yeah, sounds good. Good night. Love you."


Priceless....

Date Night ~

Ya know, the sun did decide to show up this afternoon. Were you there to see it? = ) I made myself sit outside during nap time and soak up the sun's warmth for awhile. That seemed to cheer me up.

Brian and I went to see Music and Lyrics with Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymoore. It was such a cute movie. Great one for us musicians to watch. I found us looking at each other a lot and smiling or laughing at what was said or done. More than usual. It was so nice to be reminded that we share a great passion for music and more specifically worship music. We are starting to write some worship songs together. It has been great. We make a great team. I provide lyrics and ideas and he provides structure and groove. It's great! That is something to be excited about. We have been working on a song right now that has gotten us excited. We'll see how it is received. This is kind of a little secret passed time of ours. It has definitely been a gift from God. We can't take any credit for sure. But it shows me how awesome God really is. And how he cares about all of our passions and desires.

I am so glad the dulldrums faded away. They aren't fun to be in and they're hard to get out of sometimes. The sun does help and prayer. Maybe we should write a song called, "The sun and prayer" LOL. Just kidding. I better go to bed before I get too silly.

Have You Ever ~

Have you ever had a day when you wake up, had a good sleep, you should be rejoicing and excited about all the wonderful things that will happen, but instead you feel numb inside? That is what I feel like today. It's a really wierd feeling. I'm coasting through.

What makes us feel this way sometimes? Is it our cycle? (Ya know what I mean). Or are we mulling over deep issues. Is it the mundane of day to day life? Or is it the weather? What is it?

Pastor is doing a great series on how we are spending our time. I really liked his message today about keeping on, keeping on when the going gets tough because there is a great reward heading our way. He said that living the christian life is like runnning a marathon. I thought about that for a second and yes it does seem that way. What a journey we are on.

Brian and I are having a date night tonight. I'm looking forward to it. I wish I could feel more emotion than this ho hum feeling.

I know, I'm making a choice right now to enjoy the rest of the day. To be thankful for whatever comes next and have a smile on my face. I don't want to be run by my emotions anymore. They are so unpredicable. And sun I am ready for you to show you face anytime, okay! lol.

"I'm eating my food all!" Hannah said.

Good Morning Day~

I'm up with Hannah in the kitchen eating bread with butter. She is sharing. = ) Everyone else, except Austin and his panting, is sleeping. I'm not that awake yet, but at least I'm not grumpy. Hannah and I were watching Arthur this morning in our bed and she was using my knees under the covers as a slide. It was cute. Unfortunately, that didn't last long so we had to get out of bed. Bummer it was really nice and warm in there. lol.

Recently Josh started doing some really cute things. At the dinner table we all fold our hands and pray for the food. After Hannah prays, Josh folds his hands and thanks God for the food and says amen. It is adorable. He also has learned to say thank you in sign language. He now says I'm hungry, more, all done and thank you in sign language. It sure is helpful.

Hannah just said, "Oh! Josh is awake!" Good Morning Day now you are starting.

Is This For Real? ~

I had a friend open my eyes the other day on how some of my posts can be unrelatable. Lately I've been posting uplifting words of encouragement, revelation about God, blessings and thanks towards my kids, etc... This might be perceived as I've got an awesome life no worries, no problems. I am so thankful for this friend bringing this to my attention. It made a lot of sense to me. I write when I'm inspired, usually. But most of my days, especially lately have made me weary, stressed and ready to throw in the towel. My kids are wonderful and gifts from God, but oh my goodness they wear me out!!! I am being pulled by a three year old and 1 year old with very little break throughout the day that when they finally go to bed I am mush and have nothing more to give anything.

I finally had enough and started to schedule date nights, childcare at the gym, and other things that will (hopefully) bring some structure and fun back into my life. I was enjoying life a few blogs ago, but now I am finding myself reacting to it again. This has got to stop. I am running on empty.

It is at these times in my life I look at my and other blogs and want to right, but am not inspired to. God is so gracious and loving. And friends are so understanding and encouraging. It is in these times I find strength to get through at least one more day through God and my friends. = ) I think I have a date night scheduled next week!!! YEA!!!

Documenting ~

Well, we're going on a bear hunt, a bear hunt, a bear hunt, and what are we going to see? Boise ID!!!!! Yes, a big adventure begins today. It's exciting. I had a little moment this morning to try and document some things that my kids were doing lately.

Josh said "moo" yesterday when I was reading a story about a farm. He says, "owie, owie" for his teeth, "McDonahl" for you know where. "Mahmee" for me, "numnumnumnumnum!!!!!" when he is REALLY hungry lol, he just started to sign "thank you" yesterday. I was so proud of him (been working on him for months now). Yesterday he learned how to climb up every chair, bench or sofa in the house. Oh it's beginning. He loves to climb. He also has a bit of a temper. When he doesn't get his way he yells and stomps off into the other room to cool off. I never follow him oh no. That would mean war. But on the flip side, he is such a love bug. He'll give me hugs and kisses. He is very playful and is always up to play and joke around. He also has his alone time. He can be very content playing on his own. Not really needy in that way.

Hannah is making up her own songs now. Some of them are soo cute I try to remember to write them down. They are scattered around the house so unfortunately I can't document them here. She loves to draw and yesterday she traced her hands all by herself and made a person in the middle with curly hair, smilie face, body, feet and hands. She really is developing in this way. When Brian comes home from work and we are sitting down for dinner she'll ask him, "So how was your day daddy?" So cute. And when she really likes dinner or whatever was made for her she'll say "This is really good. Did you make this mommy? This is really, really good." lol. I was going to take her blanket to wash and did, but she had a meltdown so I decided after 5 mins to give it back to her. She was watching a movie on the couch, stopped crying and then I gave it to her. When I came back into the room after 3 mins, she looked up at me and said in a very grown up way, "Mom, thank you for giving my nappy back" It was so sweet. You have to hear it in her voice. Priceless.

Those two kids are just such a wonderful blessing. I told God what my three ultimate desires were when I was young, 1) to marry a wonderful, Godly man, 2) to have children, 3) to sing for Him and help bring revival back into the church.

God is truly amazing and definitely my Father who loves me and blesses me above and beyond what I could ever imagine or hope for.

Thoughts ~

Jesus came to bring life, and life to the FULLEST!!....Do you believe it? I thought I did, being a believer in Him since I was a little girl, trying to serve Him and do all of the right things He had asked me to do. But just recently I realized I wasn't experiencing Jesus' promise. I was too worried about doing the right thing and making God happy that I wasn't allowing Him to bless me with His joy and contentment that comes when we live LIFE. Jesus said "I am the way, the truth, and the LIFE"

My life has had an underlying current of worry, fear, and frustration. As a christian I wasn't suppose to feel this way, was I? Do to certain situations God finally got through to me that

1) I needed to find the things that filled me up and make a way to do those things.
2) I needed to make Jesus my "best-friend" and go to Him with everything that was on my heart. He knows it all anyway.
3) I needed to read His word that He gave to me and to all of us as a precious gift full of insight and wisdom and power, everyday.
4) In order for me to truly and fully live life I finally needed to give my life completely to Him.

So today I am so thankful that God has revealed to me what living to the FULLEST really means and what it really feels like. I go to the gym, read great books, work in the yard, spend time with friends, read the Bible often, and pour my heart out to Him as much as I would a close friend, honoring Him with a close relationship, love and adore my husband and kids, and write heart songs as worship to God. Is my life FULL? YES!!!!!! It is the best feeling in the world. Thank you God for revealing this secret to me. It was hard to learn, but soooo worth it. Your grace is sufficient for me. Thank you. I love you.

My Friend ~

I had an idea of how my childhood friend and I should be now that we were adults. But I finally realized through her help that we have grown up, moved on and don't relate like we once did. We will always catch up and stay friends, but being "best-friends" will have to be a distant memory. I am really sad about this. Why do we have to grow up? Why do we have to move on? I know it's for the best and that God reveals other wonderful people and experiences to us as we journey through this life, but why can't we relive our memories from the past.

Life definitely is funny and I will have so many questions to ask God or have Him reveal to me when I get to heaven.

Just this past week I realized that I needed to fill my life with things that refuel my jets, refill my tank. I am, I guess and "Otter" type. Up, sanguine, fun-loving. But being a stay at home mom as brought a lot of Meloncoly and interverted tendencies that don't come naturally and rejuvenate me. So I am starting to go to a gym. I went last night for two hours and loved it. I was able to be around people and socialize. Sat in on a "groove" workout class, read my Joyce Meyer magazine I just received in the mail from an awesome friend of mine. Thank you friend. Hopefully I'll connect with you soon! And then treat myself to a Starbucks chai tea. I felt very rejuvenated when I came home. I talked Brian's ear off about all the fun things I just did and all the thoughts I was thinking about on the treadmill. I had a glimpse of the "real" me again. I am hoping this will really help. There are other things I am working on.

Anyway, I am glad I got to write about these things a bit. The kids are in their beds, but Hannah is refusing to sleep. Ug. At least I am able to be alone for a few minutes anyway.

I Have A Question ~

For the past few days I've been stumped as to what to do with my almost 3 year old and 1 year old to keep them entertained other than movies. We don't have a yard so I can't let them run around outside. Does anyone have some creative ideas they would like to share? Thanks. = )

I Need To Go To Bed ~

lol. It is late for me. I haven't been getting good quality sleep lately, but I just had to write about some things.

A couple of funny, wierd things my kids have been doing: Hannah and I were watching a movie and she had her water and I had mine. I told her I was going to finish my water and after that we could go up stairs. She said in response that she also was going to finish hers and before I new it she took her tall sippy cup and put the whole thing inside my glass full of water!!!! I was dumbfounded and soaken wet. I have to admit that I looked at her and said, "What the heck was that all about!!!" Both her and I didn't know if we should laugh or cry. She has been doing a lot of odd things lately testing her independence. Weird. Also, she is extremely observant and detail oriented. She notices EVERYTHING! One small example would be that on a DVD she saw a small "exclaim" icon on the cover. She said, "That is also on the Boz video!" What? How would a 2 year old pick that up. Here is one more. She was looking at the Faith Alive folder and saw Brian playing guitar at the Church in the Park. She said, "Why is Daddy playing THAT guitar?" She asked him that and he told her he was borrowing it from the shop because his was getting fixed. AMAZING. She did NOT get that gift from me. SO BEWARE!

Josh was doing something cute today. He didn't know where I was so he went into every room calling my name, "MAH!" "MAH!" He also LOVES the Barney videos. He will find the case and come to me holding it up saying, "MANEY!" I am trying to teach him his B sound, but I definitely know what he is trying to say. One more thing I want to document, he is now signing "more" and "hungry" I am starting to teach him "please" We'll see. = )

Lastly, I just got finished watching, "One Night with the King" Awesome movie. Great romance. All in all it is great to watch. So now I am a bit dreamy. I want to go daydream now a bit before bed. And read Esther in the bible.

Refreshing ~

How do you feel when you have a nice, cool drink on a hot day? How do you feel when the kids go to bed and you can do anything you want for yourself in peace and quiet? How do you feel when you go and excersise and after you shower you sit down and take a deep breath? This is how I have been feeling these past couple of days after our Women's Retreat. Refreshed, rejuvenated, and restored. I am moving one day at a time, taking everything to God and communing with Him throughout the day. My focus is changing. I want to spend my free time in His presence. I want to drink in His goodness. My focus is more God centered than me centered, children centered, or Brian centered. Everytime I feel that way I talk to God about it. I think of myself as David in the fields tending to his sheep. And instead of being bored, or dissatisfied or ungreatful, I am refreshed, moved to tears and so thankful.

God heard all of the prayers that went up to Him for the retreat. He broke through the chains bound to our hearts. He made Satan flee from our gatherings and He was totally glorified and honored. I was so greatful to have the opportunity to worship and pray to Him, free and transparent, broken in His presence. It's been too long. We allowed time to worship and His spirit had time to roam and move. It was awesome. Every little detail came together to create a beautiful work of art. God definitely had His hand in it all. That was truly amazing to see.

I am proud of the women who went. I am so excited to be with them again and rejoice in eachothers strengths and praises and also comfort eachother when we become broken and weary. There is a movement of God's spirit in our church. Oh, I am excited. So excited. We serve such a mighty and awesome God. I can't wait to see what happens next.

Results ~

Okay I know you ALL are anxiously waiting for the results to my crystal deoterant test. Well, the results are in....it works when stress is low and the temperature is moderate.

Everything was going great. I wasn't stinky all week, but then Sunday came. I had to run the sound for church without ever doing it before. My stress level began to rise. The temperature started to rise. I wasn't "sure" so I decided to do a check in the bathroom after the first service. I hate to admit this, but I was a little stinky. BUMMER! It was kinda disappointing. So what I am going to do is use the crystal throughout the week and then take a back up Sunday or when I know it will be a long, stressful day. Sorry guys. I also was hoping that this was the answer. It's not all bad. I still will use it most of the time. And I still will recommend it. I do feel much healthier where it. = )

As far as other things going on in my life? There are none.

Just kidding. I'll blog about all of those later. It's getting late. Take care my friends.

This Stuff Is Good ~

Okay so it is coming to the end of the third day and I smell great!! = ) I can't believe it. I feel really good using this new crystal deoderant. Before I would use Secret Antipersprant and it would make my underarms sore. That might be hard to believe, but I think it's true, cuz' I haven't felt that way at all these past three days. I sure hope this crystal turns out to be everything I am hoping for. = )

Today was a happy, sad day. I was able to catch up with a friend that I've been meaning to see for ages. She is such an awesome person. I just love hanging out with her. After she left though, some things were weighing heavy on my heart. I am definitely a feeler so when I feel happy, I am super happy, when I feel sad I am super sad. So, I turned on my worship music (Paul Baloche's new cd is amazing and everyone should have a copy of it in my opinion) and prayed, pouring my heart out to God. Sometimes life feels like a peace of cake and other times the weight of it gets too heavy for me to bare. The more time I spend here on earth, the more I long to be with Jesus. I am hoping that God will really bring answers to these situations that I'm concerned about and also peace and hope. He is the only one who can.

The kids and I stayed home most of the day, but had to get out before dinner to the park. They had fun walking, Josh did awesome walking beside me, holding my finger. He loved the freedom he had. There were kids there waiting for their parents to pick them up so they played with Hannah and Josh for awhile. One kid just sat right infront of Josh, Indian style and starred at him. What was up with that? He told one of his friends that he liked babies. I just sat back and observed. It was pretty interesting. I think he was in 1st grade. We then decided (I then decided) that we should go home since it was getting cold and have some yummy, hot soup. So we did and had some great one on one time or two on one time. I actually sat down with the kids and played with their toys and read them stories. Usually I am feeling the pressure (from myself) to clean the dishes, give the kids baths, do the laundry, tidy up the toys, get the kids ready for bed and the list goes on. It is very hard for me to stop and enjoy Hannah and Josh's world.

So there were some happy times and some hard times today. I am very prayerful about so many things. I just pray that God will be present in these situations and He will see them through.

Did You Enjoy The Sunshine? ~

I sure did. I got a chance to get out and have some alone time today. Went to the church and practiced some worship songs in the sanctuary. It was so relaxing and rejuvenating. When I get to spend time with God talking or singing or praying I am restored and refreshed. I know the 4 R's. lol. But it is so true. I find that I get bogged down by life's pressures way too easily. It must be my nature. So finding calm and quiet brings much needed balance.

Brian and I have been trying to fight off colds for a couple of days now. I am over the worst, but my poor husband is just not feeling well. He has the chills and chest cough. It is hard to see him like this. You know how special he is? He took care of the kids today so that I could go practice for a few hours and then take a much needed nap in the day. I felt very spoiled today. I hope he knows how much I love him and appreciate all that he does.

A couple of random side notes to get you updated, Thursday I went to a Naturalization Ceremony. Yes, I am now an American citizen. It was a pretty special event I must say. There were 47 countries represented, about 150 people not including all the family and friends attending. It was held on the 16th floor of the courthouse. Brian and the kids were there, but out of the room with the stroller. Brian would peek in every now and then to see the back of my head. Everyone in charge was so gracious and accomidating. The Judge led us through an oath of citizenship and then the Pledge of Allegience. He thanked us for the sacrifice we each had to make to become part of this country. Then they gave us our certificates and an American flag (that Hannah and Josh ended up playing with). It was fun and a bit moving. Brian was so proud of me. He took us to the Macaroni Grill. Yum, Yum. It is probably my favorite restaurant. The food is delicious everytime!

Second random side note (you're going to kill me for this unimportant one), but I am trying a new deoterant. okay. Yes, I will give everyone a moment to laugh.......................

Okay, now seriously, it is a crystal stone from the health foods store. I wanted to get away from using antipersperant because of the alluminum content. So I am on day one and not stinky. I couldn't believe it. Not that I have a terrible problem with this, but I put it on in the morning and it lasted the whole day! Let me check one more time......Yep, still working. LOL!!!!! The crystal was only $6.- dollars and is suppose to last for a year. So I will keep all of you posted on this. I know you will all be dying to find out the results.

Well, I am going to do a couple of things and then try to watch 24 with Brian. Note the "try" I get scared pretty easily. We'll see.

My Love and Me ~

I woke up. It was a new day. I was excited to drop the kids off at the babysitter's and drive with my hubby to someplace fun. I asked Brian to plan everything. It was a great gift. He came up with such a cool idea to go ice skating. I was so excited to do something different. I think the last time either of us skated was in Junior High!! Anyway, on our way up there we realized that we wouldn't have enough time to enjoy being alone. Most of it would be spent in the car. So spur of the moment, we decided to stop off at the Family Fun Center. It was awesome! We stopped off at Starbucks first to get some much needed food, sat in our car in the parking lot eating, and enjoyed the peace and quiet. (there was a guy power-washing the sidewalk and it was right next to the freeway!) LOL! But to us that was quiet. We played and played and played. The go carts, batting cages, rollerball, dance nation, video games, air hockey (I won!) YES! = ) And bought some fun stuff for the kids. We also got our pictures taken in one of those photo booths. So funny! You'll have to ask to see them. By the way, I thought we went on the bumper cars, instead of go carts. I laughed the whole time I was ramming into Brian with my car. He was looking at me wierd, but I thought he was just bugged that I was winning. = ) Until we stopped and I saw this tiny sticker on the back of the cars that read, "DO NOT BUMP THE OTHER CARS!" Brian taddled on me. It was hilarious in my opinion. Then we had a nice early dinner. What a great day that was. We laughed and flirted and just remembered how it was before kids. It was very refreshing.

Brian and I have been married for 7 years now. He is a very special man to me. So loving and devoted. Everything I am not, he is, which completely balances me out. I love it. I learn from him everyday something amazing and wise. We complete each other. He is definitely my best friend who pretty much knows me inside and out. We have reached the point in our marriage where we can't get away with anything anymore. We can read each others expressions and know what it going on. We love each other unconditionally and want to spend the rest of our lives together. What a rich life I have with my amazing husband and two precious little children. Thank you God for blessing me abundantly. Brian is such a gift.

New Day ~

It is a new day, the sun is shinning and I am not as down in the dumps as I was yesterday. Yea for that. = ) I think everything just compounded until I couldn't handle it anymore. Let me just clarify that my friend had an addiction to caffeine, I could relate because I am addicted to McDonald's. YUK!! I know. But it is true. So, no more for me....let's hope.

Anyway, yesterday Hannah wouldn't eat what she asked for in the morning, so her 'just as stubborn' mom told her that she couldn't have anything else until she ate her food. Well, whinning, no nap, yelling, josh screaming in his crib, and lunch came and went and no eating. I was ready to pull my hair out. I finally had to calm myself down and sit with her feeding it too her until it was done around 3:30 in the afternoon. OH BROTHER! Thankfully she ate it because I was going to go so far as to tell the nursery workers to not allow Hannah to have pizza with the other kids because I am trying to teach her a lesson. I know mean mom. She has just gotten into the habit of asking for things and then not eating it and wanting something else (unhealthy). I really wanted to nip this one in the butt. So I think we might be getting somewhere. She is doing the same thing today, but not as whinny when I tell her she has to eat her food. We'll see.

Another thing was really bothering me this weekend. Our women's ministry was having sign ups for their retreat. Well, I didn't think much about it, until a friend asked me if I had found a roommate yet. A roommate? Ah no. So I started to look for one. Everyone had their roommates already chosen which left me without one. This really affected me. Maybe it brought back past memories or something, but it bumbed me out. Silly. I am almost 30 and I feel like I am having Junior High issues. lol.

It got me thinking though. Am I unrelatable? Have I hurt anyone? Am I not fun to be with? Is it because I am a pastor's wife? Does that separate me from everyone else? Is it because I haven't lived here long enough to develop those strong relationships? I really don't know.

All I know is that I am not perfect. I have these down times in my life. Moving every 2-4 years throughout my life has caught up to me and is really affecting me. I would like to stay in one place (hopefully this place) Lord willing, and develop great lasting relationships. Have my kids grow up with their playmates and be excited about all of the fun things they are experiencing. This is so foreign to me, but so exciting to think about.

Everything that I have shared might alienate me even more. I hope not though. I hope it will show that I am human, and have up days and down days. I don't want to be someone who is unrelatable or hard to get to know. I want to be real and just plain ol' me.

I was reading Jan Karon's "At Home In Mitford," at 5:00am this morning and the pastor quoted Psalm 32:8 "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you shall go; I will guide you with my eye, never doubt it!" Okay God, I am holding on to that promise. I give up. You make my path straight. I am ready to trust in you.

Today is Brian and my 7th Aniversary. I am excited. We will have fun. I will write about that later.

Today ~

Is a hard day. Up and down emotions. Loneliness. What can I do? "Lessons Learned" is playing in the background. I hope that I will learn lessons today.

My friend is taking caffeine out of her life, most of it. I have to relate to her struggle. I went to McDonald's and drowned in a number #10. = )

I'm sure tomorrow will be better.

To Write or Not to Write ~

That was the question. = ) I love writing, but I also love being quiet, reading, spending time with Brian and then going to bed at 9-10pm. So that doesn't leave me much time to sit down and write on my blog.

I have really begun to quiet down my life since the New Year. I am conciously more aware of what goes on in the month, rather than being so random and booking something everyday of the week. In the Bible, I think in 1 Corinthians it talks about symplifying your life. My friend resently purchased the "Joyce Meyer" Bible and loved it. So I thought I would give it a try too. I LOVE IT! I can't stop reading it. Which is a good thing, right? I love her commentaries and notes. Anyways, in that passage she notes that the more simple your life can be the more peace and joy you will receive. Okay, so I am taking her on. And it seems to be working. I know it hasn't even been a month, yet, however I am hopeful. It got me to think about all of the things that were important to me. Now this revelation also came with another one, that God didn't care what we did with our lives except only that we would use what he has given us for his glory, his work. I for so long have felt pressure from within and from family to further my singing into a career. Well, I tried so many different avenues, broadway, jazz, cover bands, classical, pop, you name it, but found myself only wanting to sing for and to God. That was where I felt the most fulfilled. But recently, I have felt God saying to me, slow down, be still, wait on me. Almost, die to your self and your dreams and follow me.

What a wrestling match I have been having with God lately. Anyway, I am doing that now. I still write and sing when I can, but my mind isn't constantly on higher asperations and goals. It is staying in the moment with my adorable children, with my wonderful husband, and with my relationship with God. My spirit has calmed down quite a bit.

So now my life consists of kids, Brian, God (I know that is the wrong order, I am working on it) = ) Some time with friends, reading, writing music, and sleeping, oh and keeping the house clean. I think that is about all I can handle right now. Even that is a bit much at times. = )

Hannah has started potty training, offically this week. We started her a couple of days ago half with diapers and half without. She had some accidents, but I am so proud to say that today she had 0 accidents, when to the bathroom everytime, held it during naps. (Yes, there were rewards involved, but hey I'm not complaining) She was SOOOO proud of herself today. Her daddy came home (with some helpful nudging from a friend lol ) with a balloon for her that read "You're Special." And he bought me a rose as well. Good Job Brian!! Hannah is also drawing really well, I think, for a 2 year old. Today I found a picture she drew a while ago of a pig! And then today she drew some suns with smiley faces on them. Is this normal? Seems unique to me. Oh well, I am a proud momma, I know.

Joshua started taking his first few steps yesterday morning with his father. He stands on his own every once and awhile. It will be fun seeing him try to keep up with Hannah around the house. Oh, side note, during one of Hannah's trips to the potty I was busy washing her hands and found Josh's hand in the toilet, playing with the water!! YUK!!! Thankfully we had flushed it. He is definitely a curious George. Okay one more thing, we came home from study and our dog was waiting for us. Josh started saying, "Austin, Austin, Hi Austin, Hi Austin" When we put him down he imediately went to him and started playing with him. So cute. One more thing. He says, "mmmm!!!" when he eats something he likes. What a cutie. Okay, okay, I'll stop for now. = )

Okay, it's almost my bedtime cutoff. Hope to write again soon. Good night.

2007'

Happy New Year Everyone. Hope you all have a great new year!

No matter what happens, what we strive for, what struggles may come our way, what new and exciting things in store, the memories we will make, let's put our relationship with God first in our lives. Let's go to Him first with everything that is on our minds. He is the creator of everything, of us all. He deserves to be our center.

My heart longs for you God. It's yours. Use me in whatever way you choose. I am nothing, Lord. Please make me into something this next year 2007, bringing glory and honor to your name. I love you.

Good Night ~

Smile ~

I just woke up to an email saying a friend had her new baby girl last night. Isn't it neat that an email can make your whole day!! But not just that, a new baby has come into the world. I can hardly wait to see her.

Josh really wants to get on my computer so this will be short. = ) Have a great day and if you haven't finished your Christmas shopping yet I will be thinking of you. I've heard it's crazy out there.

FUNNY, FUNNY ~

Okay I don't know how long this entry will turn out to be, but I had to post this. I thought it was just so cute. I took the kids to Walmart this afternoon they were great all things considering. We went by the book section (was looking for stocking stuffers) and Hannah says "WILBER, WILBER!!" what, where? "WILBER!" the pig? "YEAH!!" It was the Charlotte's Web book. She loves the movie. So I thought okay that would be a good stocking stuffer. Into the cart it went. Then we went further down the kids section and Hannah says "JOYCE MEYER, JOYCE MEYER!!" WHAT??? "OVER THERE JOYCE MEYER!!"" I laughed so hard the tears almost rolled. Umm... is she ready for Joyce Meyer at 2 years old??? NOPE not yet. You can guess who I have been watching lately. LOL! That made my day.

We've been pretty busy lately with the Christmas season and all. I am a part of a Women's Ensemble that is going to be singing Dec. 17th. It's exciting, we are doing some great Christmas songs. Christmas is my FAVORITE time of year. I know all the songs, I love everything that goes along with Christmas. I'm excited to introduce our kids to some family traditions. Hannah just started talking about Santa and pointing him out in the stores. Is she ready for Santa?? I don't know, maybe. It's kinda fun to pretend with her.

She is really into pretending now. The following is constant throughout the day: "Mommy, can you be Wilber?" oh, okay "Can you be pony?" oh okay "Are you a girl or a boy?" i'm a girl "You have to be a boy" but I am a pony with pink and purple hair! "You have to be a boy" oh okay "Can you be a cartoon?" "Can you be Mrs. Tabitha?" "Can you be Mary?" "Can you be baby Jesus?" Ah!! Who needs to act on stage when you are playing a character every 10 mins?!?! lol. That girl is extremely entertaining and so much fun.

Josh is starting to talk, (in his own way of course). This is what he is saying: "Austi" for Austin our dog, "Ma!!!" for mom, "moh" for more, "ah ah ah ah" for what Austin says (very cute!), "bawooon" for balloon, "Thanxsss" for thank you. "hmm??" for a question of some sort, "Hah" for hi. I know you might be thinking ya okay MOM! But I am convinced this is what he is trying to say right now. He is still my love bug. Into everything. I can tell that I am in for it when he starts walking. Way more than Hannah ever was.

So anyway, things are going good. I am going to start baking pretty soon. I have lots of exciting new recipes to try. I am hoping that we will be able to get a tree this weekend when Brian is off. It's not the same without a tree. I've put up the Christmas stockings and decorated the railing in the entry, but not too much yet. I had to start listening to Christmas music though. Brian isn't really into Christmas music so much. I think it is growing on him though. The kids and I have it on all the time. I guess it was just how I grew up.

Well, I better go do something productive, like the dishes or the laundry or etc, etc, etc... Til next time.

Charlotte's Web ~

I am hiding out in my room as the children watch this all time favorite movie in the Living Room. = ) No not really, Brian took the kids while I got to have a nice shower. I feel alive again. Hannah is so cute. She came running into our room yelling, "come back kitty cat, come back." I don't know why. Her smile is so contagious.

She is not feeling well today. She was whinning a lot this morning. A common cold. So I don't think we'll be doing much. Anyway, I better go blow her nose now. Till next time.

Sunday ~

It is quietly raining outside. I've put the kids to bed and I think Josh has finally gone to sleep. It is just so hard sometimes to hear him cry in his bed. I know that it is normal and healthy for him, but the mommy warning alarm pounds in my heart and i have to conciously ignore it. Anyway, quiet, peaceful, priceless. Thank you Lord Jesus for these priceless moments. They're awesome.

What a stormy day it was at church. The wind was blowing pretty strongly and the rain was coming down as I took both kids to the doors of the church. Hannah had blood on her hand and I had some on my finger, thankfully there was someone to open the door for us. I must have got a paper cut or something without even noticing.

I really enjoyed the service today. The pastors team taught about communion and there were a couple great testimonies of how God has been so faithful through some difficult times. Isaiah 41:13 was a verse that stood out to me. I'd like to write a song about that verse.

Josh started crying again. I started him on whole milk. He usually has a bottle before bed, but I thought I would try a sippy cup instead. I am starting to think that did not work.

Should I go in there? Hmmm.... Probably, but I really don't want to. His crying has gotten louder. Well, good night my friends. I better go make a bottle.

p.s. Yep, I was pretty happy today. I'm not sure why. But I have to say that the "Weekend to Remember" conference was well worth it. It sparked up our marriage and helped us understand and appreciate each other more. It was great.

Ok. gotta go. = )

We're Home ~

Had an awesome time and the "Weekend to Remember" conference. The kids did great at grandma and grandpa's house. The conference was in Semiahmoo (spelling??) Blaine, Washington. We stayed in Lynden at a nice hotel. It was so good for our marriage. We needed a refresher, an encouragement, ya know? We realized that we were gifts from God to each other. That we completed one another. I would recommend this to everyone. We are fighting against the world's view on how marriage should be and God's view of how marriage should be. And God was the one who created it in the first place so his way will ALWAYS win out in the end. There were every age and every stage of marriage there. The longest married couple was 42 years and the youngest was 2 DAYS!! lol. We were all wondering why they were there??

Anyway, it was great. I think I am ready for what reality has in store. I think I can take it on now. he he. Like housework.

Well, good night. Looking forward to blogging again soon. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!! = )

A Story ~

"Let me tell you a story. Once a pona time there was a trip." "Oh really, who went on this trip?" I said. "I can't tell you.......You'll have to wait and see," said Hannah. What a cutie. Her attention span was short so the story ended right there, but I wanted to write it down as a memory. Today I go for my citizen interview. I am nervous, but ready. I think. We will also be going to a Marriage Seminar this weekend. The kids will be at the grandparents. Oh boy are we looking forward to this!! Have a great rest of the week. = )

Defeating the Letdown ~

Have you ever gone to a conference or experienced something big and then you find yourself back to your normal life just spent and letdown? I am feeling that way today and fighting it. I had to really keep myself busy around the house and had to really pray and spend time with God to help with the emotions I was feeling. I took the kids to Dairy Queen and we got corn dogs and milkshakes, and then took them to a park nearby and sat in the car eating our snack and reading Psalms together. It was actually quite nice. Hannah got into it. Josh was a bit fussy. (he didn't get a corndog lol)

I gleened from Paul Baloche, Kathryn Scott, Brenton Brown, Charlie Peacock, and so many others, all I wanted to do is be back there to spend more time with these people. Do you know how many times I had to tell myself to calm down today?Unfortunately patience does not come easily. Working on it.

Anyway, it's exciting to be back and working on writing and arranging songs. Kathryn Scott said she just didn't work on writing with the kids around. How she keeps herself from doing that is beyond me. I can't get enough. I find myself going to the piano every chance I can get. Yes, the kids are all around me wanting to play, wanting my attention. It is such a discipline to defer to them and put my other passion on hold. I guess it's a healthy challenge. Builds character. Still difficult though.

Josh is so ready to walk. He is cruising quite a bit now. Did I mention how adorable he is. He is a smiler. Hannah is a thinker. She has to process whether or not she should smile back at you or not. lol. They're so different.

I think I shall go and rest. It is finally quiet. Ah..........

I'm Back And Committed ~

I don't know what happened, but I fell off the face the earth. Sorry. Thankfully I didn't fall far. Okay so now what am I suppose to say. Well, I've been changing diapers, trying potty training every once and a while. Still waiting for Hannah to be ready because I AM NOT!! She's showed signs, but nothing serious yet.

Ya know, my kids are awesome. What a blessing. I still have those times of "please be quiet," "please play on your own for a second," "please GO TO SLEEP." lol However, those are few and far between. They are my little joys that I have to bless me everyday. Hannah has the sweetest disposition. She is very sensitive and pretty creative. We are also starting to share moments if you know what I mean. I can just look at her and we both start laughing at something so silly like what I said or baby Josh and we know it's just between us. Plus, who needs a workout video when you have a 2 1/2 year old running around non-stop. = ) Josh is my love bug. I probably give him 100 kisses a day. I can't help myself. He has his dad's kissable cheeks. He is starting to talk now. He isn't even 1. (he will be though pretty soon. Messy chocolate cake. Yea!!) He says "Austi" for our dog "Austin," "Mama or Mamie," "Dada," "Ana" for Hannah, "HEY!" with his hand stretched out, so cute, and I think he has learned the ever popular "no." He has the belliest laugh. I love it. He is ticklish everywhere, to my advantage. he he. And the best part right now is that Hannah and Josh totally love each other. Makes me have the itch to try for another one. YIKES!! I don't think so.

Yes, I am consumed with children at the moment, but that's okay. I am finding complete joy and contentment in this season of my life. God is also blessing me with time to work on songwriting. I came back from a weekend worship leader/songwriter's convention. I felt like I was at Disneyland on vacation. (Do I get out much, ah NO!) lol. It was great. I know now what my calling is and it is exciting!! I also know I have lots of work to do. So what am I doing trying to start a Children's Clothing Resale business on Ebay?????? Ug.

Oh, yes, my dearest, loveliest husband has allowed me to invest in some much needed writing tools. I can hardly contain my excitment!!!!!!!! And they are COOL writing tools not just a groovy notepad and awesome pen. YEA!

Ya know, I just want God to get ALL of the glory for this writing venture I'm on. I'm not a writer, but HE is. I hope He will help me to express what the Spirit is placing on my heart through songs and worship songs. What an awesome calling. I was challenged at the Summit to strengthen my relationship with God. There is no excuse. And why would we need one, HE IS AMAZING!

Well, my baby is fussing. Here is the "PLEASE GO TO SLEEP," faze. Let's hope.

To Remember ~

Little things I don't want to forget. Sorry to anyone who is reading my blog. I just haven't had more than a moment to write what's been going on. So this will have to do for now.

* The sun was going down and Hannah said, "Is the sun going to wake up China?"

* I just put Josh down at 6:30am and was going to catch some shut eye when Hannah came into our room quietly and said, "The sun woke me up."

* I caught her talking to herself saying, "Jesus was born in a beeeeg (big) tummy and then died on a cross..." I had to complete the story for her so that she knew he became alive again and now is in heaven. So cute.

* "I love my baby Joshy. Can Joshy come over here and play with me?"

* Josh is now saying, "Da doo" lol. He melts me everytime.

Good night. = )

Kiddie Pool~

I have been exhausted today. Seems like I am just not catching up on my sleep. However, even though I was dragging my kids made me smile, laugh actually! Hannah is just the cutest. We set up the pool on the driveway and put some toys in there. We have a crabapple tree and picked some yesterday so she had to put them in too. She started taking bites of each one of them. I asked her what they tasted like and she said "Sour cream." Oh, that was funny. Then she got me all wet so I began to kick up water onto her. She loved it. She would say "Get me again" and when I would she would laugh histerically and say it again. She would get out of the pool and each time move back a little bit and then a little bit more until I couldn't reach her and then she would run up to the edge of the pool and start over again. One other thing, she threw out the ball and as she went to get it she would say "so that Riley (neighbors dog) won't get it" She then started to do this routine over, and over, and over again. I finally had to devert her attention and get her thinking of something else. So funny. = ) Josh, all I have to do is make a funny face at time and he laughs and laughs. He has completely melted my heart.

Hannah's Words ~

Okay this will be short, but sweet. She has been asking, "What is sprinkling all about?" or "What is ankle all about?" So cute. "I don't think so" coming from her mother. Oh, there was one more I wanted to write about, but I lost it. When I remember I will document that one too. = ) She sure is a 2 year old these days. ALL day long she asks "Can I go in the car?" "I want to go in the car." "Can I go outside?" "I want to go outside." What is a mother to do? I want my little girl to be happy and content to be inside for awhile. Oh well. Okay time for bed. Good night......(i hope)

Hannah Went Potty!~

Sorry it's been so long. I didn't think anyone read this blog anymore. he he. Really quick I have to write and document a milestone in our baby girls life. She went poopie in the potty!!! I was changing her and she was due for a bowel movement so I asked if she wanted to go on the potty. She said "little potty." So we got it out and put it in the Living Room, let her run around without a diaper and got her dolly and dolly's potty to sit right beside her. Well, it was cute to see Hannah and dolly come and sit on their potty's and then go play and then come back to sit and then go play. I really didn't take it seriously until the phone rang. When I got up to answer it I saw it!! Her poopie!! It's grose to talk about it, but ALL the moms out there will celebrate with me. I didn't know what to do talking to a gal who was interested in my bedset for sale and praising Hannah for her accomplishment and taking the little "token" to the bathroom to wait until I got off the phone and then we could flush it down the toliet together. LOL. I finally had to tell the lady what happened and she laughed and we ended up talking alot about that!! lol. Anyway, congradulations Hannah. Mommy is SOOOOOOOOO proud of you!!

Now we all are home sick with colds. Nothing too serious though.

6:30am-Nice Day ~

A refreshing morning breeze is seeping through the open windows into our living room. Ah, so nice after yesterdays heat wave. It's just Josh and I, still very quiet. The sun is coming out and the trees are coming to life. I can almost taste summer. = )

I finally have one room in the house clean and organized. I think I believe in the whole Zen thing, cuz my head clears and I feel so much more at peace when I am in a clean room.

Today should be a fun day. Brian has another day off so we'll see what we decide to do. I know there will still be cleaning in the equation, but maybe we can get a walk in there somewhere. I also have my dance rehearsal tonight. We are getting ready for our performance. he he. It has been such a great outlet for me since Josh has been born. When it's over I am going to look for a gym to join or something.

Anyway, I didn't want to say much, just document a peaceful moment in this crazy non-stop life of mine.

Happy Mother's Day ~

My friend Leslie inspired me to also wish everyone a Happy Mother's Day. Most of the time I only think of my mother to call or connect with on Mother's Day, but Leslie extended it to all the mother's in her life. It was really sweet.

I would never trade in a million years the time I have spent being a mother. My son Josh finally fell alseep in my arms this evening while I was rocking him in his room. Instead of putting him down right away and going to get ready for church in the morning, I was content to sit there enjoying the peaceful time I had with him. It hit me that he was going to grow up like Hannah and these moments were precious.

Us moms know our kids more than anyone. Brian is wonderful with our children. They adore him, but I have to say there is a special bond I have with Hannah and Josh that can only be felt by us alone. It is awesome.

So to any mom reading this blog. I give you my love. You love your children like no other. And I know that delights the Lord so much. Have a wonderful day tomorrow. I hope you will feel honored and special because you are. = )

My Daughter is not Sleeping ~

Just recently Hannah has decided that she is not tired when I say she is tired and needs a nap. Am I seeing the signs all wrong? She goes to bed late, wakes up early, and whines around the house with her blankey, rubbing her eyes. Is she tired? I think so. So I put her down in her room and she plays with her toys for a half hour, then knocks on the door saying 'Hannah's not tired mommy,' and finally after over an hour she is quite. I think sleeping. Am I being a bad mom letting her stay in her room til she finally goes to sleep. Or should I just let her get up when she wants and wait til she practically asks to go have her nap? What is a mother to do?

The kids haven't had a regular schedule for a while because of sickness and late nights out. I am questioning myself, should I stay home more often and stick to a regular routine? Or should I live my life the way I would normally and have my kids conform and adapt?

Ah, the peace. I am glad Hannah is sleeping. She really needed it. I just wish it wouldn't take over an hour. Oh well.

Gotta get back to cleaning. = )

New Post ~

I am stairing at my computer, clicking buttons, looking at things that are blurry since my glasses are in the room where my wonderful husband is sleeping, and flat out tired. My kids are awake and thankfully acting beautifully thus far. We have all been struggling with colds, passing them back and forth to one another. The kids and I aren't sleeping very well because it's been hard for us to breathe through our noses. I feel bad for those two. They have been going to bed at 7:00p and 9:00p. josh woke up 4 times in the night. Hannah woke up at 5:30am because she couldn't breathe. Fun stuff happening over here.

I decided when this all happened that we would still live our lives and go do stuff because hey it was just a cold, but I am thinking it probably would have been wiser to stay indoors for a couple of days and try to recoupe.

Such is life. Thankfully the house is all painted and is starting to look like a nice place to stay in awhile. Before we had white walls. I always felt unsettled and frusterated to stay inside. Now it is nice to stay home for more than a day at a time. lol.

Okay, Hannah wants me to change dolly's diaper and Josh is done playing with his hanging bears so I'd better go. = )

So I Don't Forget ~

I wanted to have some quality time here at the computer to jot down some great stories of my two little ones, but it seems like I just never have enough time to do so. This little time that I have is really ment for my household chores. BORING! Oh well, hope this will make sense. I have to document these things before they escape my memory forever.

Hannah has been talking up a storm lately. It is pretty amazing. Even though she is a very bright little girl, she still is very innocent about things around her. We went to the coast with Brian's sisters a couple weeks back and when Hannah saw the ocean she was so suprised. She said, "Look Mama, a bath, a bath tub." It was really the cutest thing. How she made that correlation I will never know. We took her down to see it and the waves were coming pretty quickly that is scared her too much. Maybe next year.

Um...I caught her and Josh in the back seat of the car holding hands. Today we were playing in her room and she wanted me to go "night night" in her bed. So I played along and layed down. She said she wanted to "tuck me in" so she did and she gave me her favorite blanket. She said, "have a night night nap mom, close your eyes, good dreams." I closed my eyes and then opened them a minute later. She came back and said, "go to sleep, go see horses when wake up." (I sometimes coax her to sleep with fun things to do when she wakes up) Then I asked her if she would pray ,she said, "Dear Jesus, give mommy good sleep, amen." What a sweetheart she is.

Okay, I better go now. Josh is crying with Brian so I just don't know how long I actually have to clean the house. = )

Easter ~

Happy Easter Everyone!

I've really tried to get involved this easter season. Brian and I tried Lent. We did well for a couple of weeks then oops we gave in. I never did Lent before so I wasn't really committed to it. I knew God loved me even though I didn't observe Lent. I did respect the consept. It made me focus on why I was taking out something that was important to me. I focused more on my relationship with God. I respect the idea of fasting more now too. I sang a lead role in the oratorio Saviour last week which really got my heart in the right place. And today I am a part of worship. So I think I am ready. = )

Thank you Lord for your Son, Jesus Christ. I am so humbled and honored to be saved by his grace and mercy. May you be worshiped and honored today. Love you.

A Shower Would Be Good ~

I am definitely going to take a shower before I go to my moms group this morning. What a joy that will be! Guess what!!! Josh slept for 9 1/2 hours straight last night. YEA!! The night before he had a 5 hour stretch from 7:00-12:00a then we woke up every hour. So I asked God to help me get the sleep I needed to keep up with these kids. I asked for His faithfulness. Awesome eh? I know it was Him.

About Hannah's kitchen, she loves it. She asks "mom come room" pointing to her room "come play house." So cute. She also was very huggy yesterday without me asking for one. he he. I am starting to notice that I melt way too easily these days.

Lastly, my husband and I took these Myres Brigg personality tests two days ago. I came out to be an ENFP, he was an INTJ. Quite different. He had a handful of president's that had his personality and I, well let's just say Dr. Suess made the cut on my end. LOL. And that's okay with me. = )

Giggles are the BEST! ~

I needed to write this post before I went to bed because today marked the first time Joshua full out giggled. It was the cutest ever. He was in his bouncer and Hannah was eating dinner in her high chair. I was playing with him, trying to get him to smile and I guess I did something that suprised him and he laughed a hardy laugh. I just melted. His laugh was very simular to Hannah's when she started, but it also sounded like a boys laugh. I can't explain it any better than that. He's already got my heart, but this just was the icing on the cake. I called Brian right away to see if he could hear him over the phone. He did. = ) Hannah didn't start laughing til she was 5-6 months old! Josh is starting young. = )

I also found a play kitchen for Hannah's birthday on craigslist. We were going to go take a look at it this afternoon, but the weather wasn't the best so we decided to hold off til' tomorrow. Hopefully the roads won't be too bad. I am really excited about it.

Love My Kids Day ~

Some days I look at my kids and just want the day to end so we can start over with a brand new day. = ) But there are other days when the weight of the world fades, time stands still, and I am consumed with love for my children. Today was one of those days.

Hannah was so cute. She always is, but we had fun together just hanging out. I never realized I could laugh hysterically the way I would with my best friend with my baby daughter who isn't even 2 yet!! She also has a silly, sarcastic sense of humor like I do. For example, she would see a dog in a book and I would say 'oh is that a duck?' and she would look at me and laugh, shaking her head and say 'No.' Oh forget it. You had to be there. Anyway, there are some other things that probably wouldn't translate, however I want to include them for documentary sake.

Like the way she'd ask me to blow a 'big bubble.' Her expression was just so adorable. She also likes to say 'uppies on the bed, uppies on leg, uppies on mom, uppies on crib, uppies on chair', you get the idea. She was "helping" me make pizza dough this afternoon (almost choked on a handful of flour!) and I gave her a couple of gummy bears for a treat. She, for whatever reason, now calls them 'gummyaches.' Don't ask me how she got that. It was soooo cute though. I can't bring myself to correct her. It is just too much fun to listen to. When Josh is crying and I am in the other room, she will say to him "It's okay Josh, you're alright. Ahhh, It's okay." She is starting to want to help me around the house with little cleaning projects. Today she learned how to jump on the bed for the first time. She has always been more of a verbal child than active. So now she is really trying to jump up and down. It seems to help when she is on the bed. A couple of times she has tried to jump on the floor and has landed on her bumb. How do us as parents stop from laughing when these funny things happen to our children. I hope I don't end up giving her a complex.

Josh loves to be kissed by his mouth. He loves to be tickled. He is already reaching for my plate when we're eating at the table. He kicks and bounces a lot in his bouncy chair. He loves to cuddle with his mommy. He is starting to hold his head up. Still a bit wobbly, but getting better. I have to say that since I've had Josh I love being home more with the two of them. Don't get me wrong, they definitely can be a handful, but they also can fill my days with joy and fun.

On days like today Hannah and Josh make me want to have more.!?!@?! Crazy, but cool.

Hello again

So much has been happening since Josh has come into our lives. I have to pick and choose what things are important to get done during my few and far between hours to myself. It is either sleep, do the chores, or get out of the house for some peace and quiet. I really want to start writing again, but it has been really dificult to find quality time to. For instance, Hannah is having quiet time in her crib because she was not minding me and I couldn't deal with it any longer. Josh is in his bouncy chair just crying at me. It's been one of those days. Brian doesn't get home for another hour or so. Will I make it? I hope so. Maybe Oprah has something great to watch. lol. Anyway, I wanted to vent for a sec. What do you do when your nerves are shot and you just want to get away and chill your brain for at least a couple of hours? Right now I have no idea? I will try to write again some positive wonderful things that are happening even though it might not sound like it right now. = )

Baby Boy !!!

He is finally here. His name is Joshua. He was born Sunday November 27th and weighed 8lbs. 6oz. He is soooo handsome. I completely fell in love with him the moment he was placed on my chest. What an awesome day that was. Plus, my parents were there to witness his birth. They were suppose to leave that morning, but decided to wait out my labor since it was almost 24 hours long. = )

My water broke at 7:30pm. Everyone was sitting there pretty much watching me go through each contraction. My dad couldn't handle it. Poor guy I don't blame him. Brian was frantic and in his own world trying to get everything ready to go to the hospital. We got there and checked in and my contractions sped up to one every 2-4 minutes. They needed my signature for paperwork and to ask me all the questions they asked me when we PRE-REGISTERED!!!! I was soo mad. I was IN LABOR!! HELLO!! Thankfully I had my mom and Brian there to calm me down and hold me back from exploding. he he. Finally they took me to the delivery room were it took me only on hour and a half to deliver him. They weren't expecting me to be ready so quickly. When I got there I was already 6-7 cm dialated. When the doctor came in he was going to check back with me in an hour to see if I would be ready to push. I asked him what that would feel like and he told me. I said I think I feel that way NOW! He checked and I had fully dialated and was ready to push him out. I have to confess I did buckle down and get the epideral at the last minute. I was so afraid that I would scream my head off and say not so nice things if I didn't. It didn't take the whole way cuz of the speed of delivery so I was able to feel the pain and pressure of pushing.

It was such an awesome and painful experience. I swear, when they took me up to the recovery room I had already forgotten about the pain. With Hannah, ah I didn't forget for a LONG time. But with him it was a distant memory. Well worth the effort. Funny huh?

Well, I need to go and feed the little guy. Brian and Hannah are out runny errands. God has just blessed us abundantly. I'll have to tell you how much I saw his faithfulness and love during this whole thing next time. It is amazing!