Art Festival ~

Just a couple of my favorite pictures from our fun outing with Brian's parents. It was a beautiful day. Did anyone else go?

I Just Had To Write This One Down ~

Today was a bit difficult. I wish I could say I was one of those moms who is a saint almost when it comes to rearing her children, but I am not. They were too much for me to handle. Running, screaming, asking questions, whinning, dumping all of their toys on the floor (in different rooms I must ad), wanting to help in the kitchen with what I was cooking, wanting this wanting that. Do I want another one? Ah, not right now, no. But this was so funny, I so wanted to start laughing.

Hannah was too wound up before bed. It was almost 7pm and I wanted my down time to detox so I insisted on bedtime. We have a three check your disciplined rule in our house and she earned three checks in less than a minute. I told her that she was going to get disciplined if she came out of her room once. She went potty, brushed teeth, everything was set. When I was saying goodnight, I asked her if she wanted me to pray and she scratched me on the face. I said 'okay that's it.' I prayed and walked to the door she started to break down and cry and kick. I was firm with her and told her she hurt my feelings by scratching me and closed the door.

It was so peaceful for almost an hour, until I hear footsteps coming down the stairs. Could this be, could she really be testing me? She opened the door. I calmly asked her what was so important that she would risk coming down to get me. This is what she said, "Mom, ah, I just wanted to say that I am sorry for hurting your feelings. I didn't mean to. When your feelings get hurt it makes you upset, angry and gushy and that isn't good. So I am sorry." Okay was she really stewing (I know wrong spelling) about this for almost and hour and decided she would risk getting disciplined to come and tell me that? Or was this a sneaky ply to get me to let her stay up some more? Ah...I didn't want to get into it with her so I decided to believe her and said thank you, that it was nice of her to say she was sorry and put her right back to bed. My three year old girl. She is a handful for me, but definitely worth it. There is never a dull moment with her around.

I'm Committed !

Okay, I am giving my life, my gifts, talents, passions, dreams totally and fully to God. I am ready to give Him all of me.

I am sitting outside on the deck writing music. It is tough. I am doubting myself, but I am having a BLAST!! I love writing. I love music. I love pouring my heart out for God and for His glory. It is the best feeling in the world. He is the Dream Giver and I am pursuing His dream. Okay God, it's you and our family. Take us, what we humbly have and use it, bless it, and enlarge our territory. We are ready to be used by you God. And excited. = )

Dads ~

I am way behind on blogging. There is so much to blog about, but little time to sit and focus on writing. Fortunately I have been up since 3:30am because Hannah came in wanting to sleep with me and now my mind is spinning and I can't get back to sleep. So I will start posting again. Please forgive me if it is a little lame to go back to what I was going to post on Father's Day. That is how behind I am lol.

It is such a blessing to have an amazing dad in my life. It would take forever to explain how amazing my dad is. He has been my councelor ever since I could remember. I would go to him with almost everything. He would let me come into his office home or work and talk to him for an hour about life and he would sit and listen. Then he would offer his wisdom and another perspective which would be so helpful in formulating a solution to whatever we were discussing. He was very diplomatic about things and always allowed me to have my own opinion. (that is why I am so opinionated and strong-willed lol) I felt respected and equal in my abilities to men. He is also a very tender man. He would sit with me in the evenings after dinner and tickle my back as he watched the news or hockey on tv. He could do that for an hour or more to show me how much he loved me. I also have a wonderful memory of him taking care of his mom in the hospital as she suffered through Dementia before she died. He would clip her nails, wash and brush her hair, paint her toenails, massage her back, sing and pray with her, take her for walks and out to eat. He was and is a great example of loving others at all times. He could put himself in their shoes and walk with them through what they were going through.

He also taught me so much about fishing and loving the outdoors. I absolutely LOVE flyfishing. It is one of the best hobbies to have. I have so many great memories of fishing out in our floatubes til the moon was out, not wanting to come in because of how serene and beautiful it was and how great the fishing was. = ) He was my mentor and teacher in music. I watched him and learned so much about being a musician. He gave me lots of opportunities to pursue my passions in singing and acting. He wanted me to thrive in what God had given me.

He also was a great example of what a pastor looked like and was suppose to be. I grew up as a pastor's kid and saw and experienced a lot of things, but my dad always kept his integrity and honor through it all. His relationship with God is real and evident in everything he says, does and feels. He is a true follower of Christ. So now as I am a pastor's wife I am able to glean from all of what I've learned from him and my mom and strive to live as they do, showing Christ's love through my life in all things as much as I can.

He loves our kids and adores them. They are now blessed to have such a great Opa to look up to and learn from.




Now my husband, Brian, is another dad who deserves to be honored. When we got married I wasn't sure how Brian would be as a dad. He had a difficult experience with his own father and he wasn't so sure he wanted to be a dad anytime soon so I was left wondering how our lives would play out. So we waited for four years until Hannah was born. Brian was hoping for a boy to rough house with, but when little baby Hannah came out, he was the first one to hold her and see her and he absolutely fell in love with her. They bonded instantly and still she can almost do no wrong in his eyes. He cherishes every moment he spends with his kids. I watch him when he plays and interacts with Hannah and Josh and he shows them equal love and attention. He respects them and shows interest in everything they do. They are definitely a huge part of his life.

I've been the bad cop and he's been the good cop for so long, but recently he had to discipline Hannah for going out into a busy street. After, I looked at him and said how are you doing? and he replied, "I think that hurt me more than it hurt her." He is a real softy when it comes to those two. He loves to be rough with Josh and for the most part Josh is all over that, but sometimes Brian is a little too rough and Josh will start to cry. Brian's eyes soften and he picks Josh up and holds him saying, "I'm sorry bud, I didn't mean to be so rough." He would do anything for them and it is obvious.

He is a great day and will continue to be as they get older. I know they will learn a lot of wisdom from their dad. He also is starting to teach Hannah how to play the violin. She got a little real one and they have a lesson during his days off. I never realized what a great teacher he was. He is so patient with her and encouraging. She always learns something new each time she plays. I will be very surprised if our kids are not musical in some way.

What a great dad his has become. I am very proud of him and look up to him so much.


So thank you dad and Brian for being wonderful examples and blessings in my life. When I stop to thank God for what he has given, I am overwhelmed with thanks for two great men in my life I adore.

Pictures ~

I finally got enough courage to post some pictures with some encouragement from a friend. So here are some that were taken recently I'd like to share.

My Cousin ~

Cassie is still in the children's hospital being monitored. They are going to have a meeting with the doctors and counselors to decide if she needs to be transferred to another facility. As of now she is not allowed to see anyone other than her immediate family. I really wanted to be up there with her, but looks like that won't be good for her right now. Thank you for all of your prayers. There is definitely a battle that she is going through.

Pray ~

I have so many thoughts running through my head. Where do I begin? I find myself to be a pretty godly person. I love the Lord with all my heart and I am totally devoted to Him.

But I get glimpses of how inferior I actually am to Him and His glory through the way I think and the things I do that I am speechless. I think about myself way too much. Who cares anyway. I think about making the yard look nice, what should the kids and I do to pass the time, oh, I know we'll go to the grocery store and then we can go for a walk with a friend. After that hopefully they will have their naps and then we can do something as a family. During nap time I read, maybe say a quick prayer, breathe in deeply, take a shower. My prayers are more, "God get me through this day. I am tired. What will the day look like? I am bored. May You be glorified in it whatever it turns out to be." But is He?

Why am I writing all of this? Because, As I am thinking these things my cousin is in emergency at the hospital trying to regain conciousness due to an overdose of pills. Last night Hannah woke me up at 1:30, 2:00am, and I didn't get back to sleep til 3:30am. What was a praying about? Myself. God please help me get back to sleep. God please protect us. God why am I still awake. I missed a very important opportunity to ask God what and who I should be praying for. If He woke me up for another reason and start praying for others, my family, my friends, the GP's of this country, for our church. I missed the boat. Thankfully my eyes have been opened a bit to see that...

Life is truly about being God-focused, serving and praying for others, and less of myself. I am too quick to talk about what I think about this or that. Or about what is affecting me. My cousin is trying to commit suicide and I am concerned about me.

I am so thankful that God has reveiled himself, through humility and perspective. It's not about me at all, in any way. God's will, will indeed be done. I need to change my focus to be centered on Him, to be quiet and quick to listen, and to be disciplined to pray without ceasing for everyone I can think of.

Cassie needs all the intercession she can get. There is a battle for her life between God and Satan. We need to pray that she will open her heart to the Lord and return to Him. He is the true conqueror. Satan's battle has already been lost. There is still a chance for her. Pray.

Time For a New One ~

I don't know how some of you do it. Putting your photo albums and music on your blogs. I am stumped. I went to blogger help and the steps to post a picture of myself is so time consuming. I have been thinking of posting more pictures and also music. I love those options on some of yours. = ) How many hours do you spend updating your blogs. Could any of you help me with these upgrades? I was also thinking of posting songs that I've been writing. Would that be totally wierd or what? I thought it would be a great place to have them and maybe they could be received well by others. I don't know. As you can tell I am a bit insecure about the whole thing.

Anyways, today was very interesting. My lovely Hannah didn't want to take her nap and her mother flipped out. It is such a long story that frankly I am too tired to tell, but all I can say is I am going to bed in 10 mins because I am emotionally, and mentally fried. Brian saved me by coming home early so I could go lay down and have some space. He is back at work, hopefully will be home soon. He had his mustang looked at in the shop. The owner was a big guy and a bit intimidating. We went there to drop off Brian and the guy looked at me and said "HE"S THE MAN!! WHAT HE SAYS GOES!" I was dumpfounded. I guess he was mad at me because Brian asked if he could come and get the car a little later because the kids were still sleeping and he had to wait for me to drop him off. I asked him out the window what about the kids sleeping? And he said, "IT DOESN'T MATTER! HE"S THE MAN, HE"S THE MAN!" Circling his chest with his finger. Okay that was just weird. Thankfully, Brian came home and put me at ease about the whole thing. I was thinking in the back of my head that Brian would come home and rule the house. You know how your mind wanders sometimes. At least mine does. But no, he said he had an opportunity to get to know the guy and that he was Johovah's Witness. Brian got a chance to tell him he was a pastor at a Chrisian church. It sounds like they are going to get together and talk about religion Monday. So let's pray for Brian and I'll post what happens. = )

My friend Molly, was honored at a party last night. It was so much fun. Angie did a great job. She is so thoughtful. Nothing was left out. I have to say it is starting to hit me that she and her family are leaving really soon. What am I going to do without my dear friend Molly? Her little girl, Sarah is Hannah's best friend. They are the same age. Thankfully she won't be moving too far away, but still she is one of those friends that will always have a special place in my heart. I know many of you can agree about her. She is so special. I am truly so thankful for her friendship. Hannah loves Sarah too so much. I finally told her about their move. It hasn't hit her yet. Boy life can be hard sometimes. What IS the meaning of life? That IS the question.

Memorial Day Weekend ~

So you heard about my mini vacation, what was yours? Did you get a chance to get out and do something fun this weekend?

Mini Vacation ~

We are having a little vacation with my parents, the kids and I. Brian is doing some much needed home improvements and getting a lot done. It has been so nice to watch the kids with their grandparents. The bonds with family are so important. Josh adores my dad. He hugged him and when my dad picked him up, Josh laid his head down on his shoulder for 10 mins just giving his Opa loves.

The kids have been saying some great things lately. Josh's new words are, "outside", "home", "why?", "mommy", "watch (as in watch this guys), "umm", "ruff", "meow", "all done", "no", "I want this" and the coolest thing was today he sang on pitch the beginning of Barney's "I love you" song. "I love you, I love me, menemeneamily" It was incredible. Poor Brian this always happens to him. The kids do something amazing and he is away.

Hannah is just cute. What else can i say. She wanted to walk with the umbrella all by herself. All you could see was this umbrella walking beside me very slowly I might ad, trying to find its way up the side walk. I enjoy life through her eyes. We're in my parents guest bathroom and she says, "there are TWO sinks mom!! I can't BELIEVE IT!" We don't have that luxury at our house. = ) We went garage saling yesterday and everytime we would find one she'd say "ANOTHER ONE!!" "YEA!!!!!" She was so focused on finding a ring, we got her a bike, a watch, but that wasn't good enough, finally we found a ring. She is a grown up now.

All in all these two kids of mine just make me laugh. They are a joy and a challenge, but mostly a joy.

Parents House ~

Kid Moments ~

Hannah: "Can I talk to you?"

Daddy: "Hannah, can you go sit on the couch and wait until your mommy and I are done talking?"

Hannah: Quiet

Hannah:"Daddy, can I tell you something?"

Daddy: "Just a minute Hannah."

Hannah: "But I've been waiting such a long time."

Priceless.

We were very busy today, leading worship with the kids in childcare all morning, little break, come back for Team Meeting, lead it, and then bible study. So after church around lunchtime Hannah wanted me to tell the Rodolf the Red Nose Raindeer story in the car. (I have my own version) So it was pretty long, but good. lol. Anyway, at 9:00pm on the way home she wanted me to tell it to her again. I said no, but she insisted, so I said I would tell her the short version. Well, I tried to shorten it a bit, but after it was done she laughed and said, "Wow mom that was long!"


Josh and I are totally bonding with our own lovey codes. Josh started to say "ummmm" (wonder where he got that from), so now we look into each others eyes and say ummmm then nock our heads together, still starring into our eyes, with big smiles on our faces. Ah, he just melts me. I can't help it. It's our little code and I love it.

Be Quiet Austin I Am Trying To Think ~

It is too funny. Austin is an over 100 lbs. Golden Retriever and he is breathing really, really heaving right now. HAAAHHHH, HAAHHHHHH, HAAAHHHHHH, HAHHHAHHH. If a little dog did this it would be cute, but since he is sooo big it is almost shaking the house. Not quite, but still it is hard to think. = ) I love him though. He has been a great dog. We got him when he was a month old. Brian and I spontaneously drove from Palm Desert California 7-8 hours up to Bakersfield just to get this dog. He was the runt of the litter, the last available purebred and when we got there a little pug dog peed on his little puppy face. It was soo funny. He was our baby. Not a baby anymore, no way.

Today was a good day. Weird a bit in the morning. I had probably the worst dream in my life. Why does that happen? Brian and I watched the Twin Towers movie, which was good, but disturbing. I am the type of person who places myself in that situation and almost lives it out like it was reality. So those two things made my heart feel very anxious and unsettled.

I read two things in the bible that spoke to me and helped calm my spirit. The first one was Psalm 55:2 "Attend to me and answer me, I am restless and distraught in my complaint and must moan." v.22 "Cast you burden on the Lord (releasing the weight of it) and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to fail." This was awesome to be reminded of because sometimes I get into this frame of mind where I think I have to have to fight a negative spirit with positive thoughts. And I do believe that we should, but there are times I don't have the strength to be positive and I need a place to vent. It was so refreshing to hear that "the man after God's own heart" David, was able to moan and complain to God. I find that when I do this the Holy Spirit corrects my thinking for me and calms me down with peace and perspective.

The second verse was I Corinthians 10:13 "...God is faithful(to His word and to His compassionate nature), and He can be trusted not to let you be tempted and tried and assayed beyond your ability and strength of resistance and power to endure, but with the temptation He will always also provide the way out, that you may be capable and strong and powerful to bear up under it patiently." Thanks God. I am so glad I can come it him for help and that He will never put be through anything I cannot handle. After I read those I felt so much better.

The rest of the day I met with my neighbor friend for awhile and then had a play day with some of Josh's little girl-friends. = ) They are soo cute together, all about the same height and even hair color, born within a month from each other. I hope we get to do that more often. It's fun to watch our kids grow up, ya know. And they are so dag gon CUTE!!

Happy Mother's Day ~

What a nice day to celebrate Mother's Day. It was breezy, but the sun was shining. We went to Red Robin for dinner and then took the kids to the park. I had a much needed nap and didn't do any cleaning. Hey it's Mother's Day. Brian gave me a very kind card with lots of writing in it. (he can be a man of few words) and the movie "Music and Lyrics." If you haven't seen it you should rent it. It was a cute romantic movie and since we like music we could relate to it on another level as well. = )

Well, I just wanted to say Happy Mother's Day. Have a wonderful week. I think it is suppose to be beautiful weather the next couple of days. Is it time to wear flip/flops? Hannah is dying to get a pair. She asks every boy or girl who is wearing them if she could try them on, stranger or not. Too funny.

A Jumble in My Nogin ~

What a title eh?

Finally, peace and time. The best combo for sitting down and writing a post on my blog. Ya know what happens? I start reading everyone else's blog and by the time I want to post anything I am worn out and can't think of anything to say.

So I've waited quite a bit and now I have so much in my brain I can't think of where to start.



Hannah and I painted our nails this afternoon when Josh was sleeping. She asked again and finally I couldn't say no. I painted her toes and fingers a light purple with glitter and she painted my toes (my nails were painted by moi). = ) I was going to post a picture of my glamorous toes, but I don't have the camera cord to inport pictures. Such is life. Hannah did a great job she was very careful and serious about it. She is such a girl.

That was probably my favorite moment of the day. Today was mostly exhausting. She got disciplined twice and was very testy and angry about stuff today. Where did that attitude come from. My nerves were on the edge with her. And I hate disciplining her. It is the worst feeling in the world (almost), but what can a parent do when there is attitude behind being disobedient? Josh also had a time out in his crib for disobeying and standing on the chair when I looked him in the eye and told him to sit down. He is smart. He looked at me like, what are you going to do about it? So after his episode he was much better and the next time he stood up all I had to do was look at him and he sat right down. They start testing soooo early, he's 18 months now.

Thankfully Brian came home for a quick dinner before heading back out for rehearsal. I hugged him longer than normal just be close to another adult, a friend, my love. It made me get through the rest of the evening. Isn't that funny, he was only home for less than an hour. I think the kids needed him too. Why would they want to be around a mom who was correcting them all day. I know I wouldn't.

So that was our day. I am now sitting on the back deck under our umbrella table, drinking in the rest of the sun and the rustling leaves on the trees. Thank you God for peace.

I've been writing a lot still. It's been a great outlet for me. In my Beth Moore study, "Breaking Free," I just learned that God wants to reveal his glory through us. That is how I see these songs as being a way for Him to show himself to me and hopefully to others who hear them. What an awesome feeling. The one that I finished for the Mother's Day tea is called, "I Celebrate the Seasons of Life" It's neat how it came together. Ya know how blogging is such a great way to pour what going on in your life out and share a part of you with others. Well so is songwriting. And the funny thing about all of this is that I never, ever saw myself as a writer. Because I never wrote anything. Especially anything good! So I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is speaking through me. It has to be Him.

The "Breaking Free" study has been really good. I am not an indepth bible study kinda gal. I am more of a free spirit who likes to do my own thing, but Beth Moore is really bringing the Whole bible to life. She makes you think. What exactly is going on in my heart? Who exactly is God in my life? And yes, there are things I need to break free from. There are sides to me that are ugly. I don't like how I can get angry and be mean with my words. Yuk! I don't like how insecure I can be about myself and accomplishments. Did you know that insecurity can make you proud? I didn't until now. How I worry about almost everything, and how I have to give so much of it to God everyday. Aren't we suppose to be over these things by now. I have been a christian since the age of 6 and fully devoted to Christ since 17 years old. What is my problem?

Well, what I've concluded is that I will always fall short of the glory of God. That he is loving me through what I deal with. I have spent more time reading the Bible by reading a chapter in Psalms, Isaiah, and now in 1st Corinthians everyday, watching CBN, Joyce Meyer, this study, and crying out to God about everything going on in my head without holding back. I am convinced that since I am having time with Him daily I am drawing closer to Him. I am reflecting more of His glory by doing these things. It is breaking me free from the garbage that holds me back from fufilling His purposes for my life. I have to say I love having my relationship with God. More than I ever have. I cling to him.

So those are the deeper things I'm doing, now back to earth, there is a huge pile of laundry on the guest bed staring me in the face right now and do I want to do anything about it? NO WAY!!! I'm done for today. = )

Hannah's On A Roll ~

Hannah: "Can I have more beans please?" (third helping at dinner)

Brian: "Beans will give you stinkers."

Hannah: "Beans will make me stink?!?"

Brian: "Yep."

Hannah: "Can I have some more please!!" (with a big smile on her face)

Later on that evening...

Hannah: (loud tooting noises with a look of concentration) Then with a big smile of relief and acomplishment she turns to her dad and says: "Stinkers, they make me stink."


The End ~

Funny ~

Okay I am online right now reading blogs and such. Brian just came upstairs to make coffee and Hannah is sitting beside me eating some breakfast. She just finished asking Brian, "Dad? Why don't you have panties on?" LOL!!! Brian: Uh, well boys don't wear panties, they wear boxers, underwear. "So boys don't wear panties on girls do?" Brian: Yep. And I got to wittness the whole thing.

I am planning to write something more substantial soon. = )

Hello All ~

It's been awhile, I know. Sorry about that. I just have to say that I have spent the last hour figuring out how to post all of my "bloggerbuds" as links. What a job! I was going to update everyone on things, but now I am thinking I need to go to bed. I leave you with some highlights of the kids.

Hannah:

"Mommy, is Daddy taking his Mustache home?" (meaning Mustang)
"Wow, there is all about hockey!" (we were watching a bit of a hockey game)
"I finished my food all"
"Mommy, Why do bats hang upside down when they sleep?"
"Joshy, come here, Joshy!!"
"Mom can the big blobby come to our house?" (the bacteria monster at the AGFest last weekend) "How would he get in our house? He is too big." "Well, we can just get a big door for him." lol
"Mommy, I want to watch Happy Toes. Can we watch Happy Toes now?" (Happy Feet)

Joshua:

"I want this!!"
"Rice"
"I want some more!!"
"Mine!!"
"Byeeee" (with some blown kisses)
"Mom!! MAHM!!"
"Up"
"lskadjfoinafoeijaoe lasjdofijaeofn pkdafoeijangoriag aslfjeoijfe oafneonfaeo aojdfaoiejfoane dnoajfoajefan " (no translation)

(Notice how everything is loud)

Good night all!

Hannah's Night Night ~

"Okay Hannah time to go to bed."

"But I don't want to go to bed"

"I know, close your eyes and think of good things"

"hmmm....like....rainbows, and...ponytails, and....jewels,....and Sarah?"

"Yeah, sounds good. Good night. Love you."


Priceless....

Date Night ~

Ya know, the sun did decide to show up this afternoon. Were you there to see it? = ) I made myself sit outside during nap time and soak up the sun's warmth for awhile. That seemed to cheer me up.

Brian and I went to see Music and Lyrics with Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymoore. It was such a cute movie. Great one for us musicians to watch. I found us looking at each other a lot and smiling or laughing at what was said or done. More than usual. It was so nice to be reminded that we share a great passion for music and more specifically worship music. We are starting to write some worship songs together. It has been great. We make a great team. I provide lyrics and ideas and he provides structure and groove. It's great! That is something to be excited about. We have been working on a song right now that has gotten us excited. We'll see how it is received. This is kind of a little secret passed time of ours. It has definitely been a gift from God. We can't take any credit for sure. But it shows me how awesome God really is. And how he cares about all of our passions and desires.

I am so glad the dulldrums faded away. They aren't fun to be in and they're hard to get out of sometimes. The sun does help and prayer. Maybe we should write a song called, "The sun and prayer" LOL. Just kidding. I better go to bed before I get too silly.