This Stuff Is Good ~

Okay so it is coming to the end of the third day and I smell great!! = ) I can't believe it. I feel really good using this new crystal deoderant. Before I would use Secret Antipersprant and it would make my underarms sore. That might be hard to believe, but I think it's true, cuz' I haven't felt that way at all these past three days. I sure hope this crystal turns out to be everything I am hoping for. = )

Today was a happy, sad day. I was able to catch up with a friend that I've been meaning to see for ages. She is such an awesome person. I just love hanging out with her. After she left though, some things were weighing heavy on my heart. I am definitely a feeler so when I feel happy, I am super happy, when I feel sad I am super sad. So, I turned on my worship music (Paul Baloche's new cd is amazing and everyone should have a copy of it in my opinion) and prayed, pouring my heart out to God. Sometimes life feels like a peace of cake and other times the weight of it gets too heavy for me to bare. The more time I spend here on earth, the more I long to be with Jesus. I am hoping that God will really bring answers to these situations that I'm concerned about and also peace and hope. He is the only one who can.

The kids and I stayed home most of the day, but had to get out before dinner to the park. They had fun walking, Josh did awesome walking beside me, holding my finger. He loved the freedom he had. There were kids there waiting for their parents to pick them up so they played with Hannah and Josh for awhile. One kid just sat right infront of Josh, Indian style and starred at him. What was up with that? He told one of his friends that he liked babies. I just sat back and observed. It was pretty interesting. I think he was in 1st grade. We then decided (I then decided) that we should go home since it was getting cold and have some yummy, hot soup. So we did and had some great one on one time or two on one time. I actually sat down with the kids and played with their toys and read them stories. Usually I am feeling the pressure (from myself) to clean the dishes, give the kids baths, do the laundry, tidy up the toys, get the kids ready for bed and the list goes on. It is very hard for me to stop and enjoy Hannah and Josh's world.

So there were some happy times and some hard times today. I am very prayerful about so many things. I just pray that God will be present in these situations and He will see them through.

Did You Enjoy The Sunshine? ~

I sure did. I got a chance to get out and have some alone time today. Went to the church and practiced some worship songs in the sanctuary. It was so relaxing and rejuvenating. When I get to spend time with God talking or singing or praying I am restored and refreshed. I know the 4 R's. lol. But it is so true. I find that I get bogged down by life's pressures way too easily. It must be my nature. So finding calm and quiet brings much needed balance.

Brian and I have been trying to fight off colds for a couple of days now. I am over the worst, but my poor husband is just not feeling well. He has the chills and chest cough. It is hard to see him like this. You know how special he is? He took care of the kids today so that I could go practice for a few hours and then take a much needed nap in the day. I felt very spoiled today. I hope he knows how much I love him and appreciate all that he does.

A couple of random side notes to get you updated, Thursday I went to a Naturalization Ceremony. Yes, I am now an American citizen. It was a pretty special event I must say. There were 47 countries represented, about 150 people not including all the family and friends attending. It was held on the 16th floor of the courthouse. Brian and the kids were there, but out of the room with the stroller. Brian would peek in every now and then to see the back of my head. Everyone in charge was so gracious and accomidating. The Judge led us through an oath of citizenship and then the Pledge of Allegience. He thanked us for the sacrifice we each had to make to become part of this country. Then they gave us our certificates and an American flag (that Hannah and Josh ended up playing with). It was fun and a bit moving. Brian was so proud of me. He took us to the Macaroni Grill. Yum, Yum. It is probably my favorite restaurant. The food is delicious everytime!

Second random side note (you're going to kill me for this unimportant one), but I am trying a new deoterant. okay. Yes, I will give everyone a moment to laugh.......................

Okay, now seriously, it is a crystal stone from the health foods store. I wanted to get away from using antipersperant because of the alluminum content. So I am on day one and not stinky. I couldn't believe it. Not that I have a terrible problem with this, but I put it on in the morning and it lasted the whole day! Let me check one more time......Yep, still working. LOL!!!!! The crystal was only $6.- dollars and is suppose to last for a year. So I will keep all of you posted on this. I know you will all be dying to find out the results.

Well, I am going to do a couple of things and then try to watch 24 with Brian. Note the "try" I get scared pretty easily. We'll see.

My Love and Me ~

I woke up. It was a new day. I was excited to drop the kids off at the babysitter's and drive with my hubby to someplace fun. I asked Brian to plan everything. It was a great gift. He came up with such a cool idea to go ice skating. I was so excited to do something different. I think the last time either of us skated was in Junior High!! Anyway, on our way up there we realized that we wouldn't have enough time to enjoy being alone. Most of it would be spent in the car. So spur of the moment, we decided to stop off at the Family Fun Center. It was awesome! We stopped off at Starbucks first to get some much needed food, sat in our car in the parking lot eating, and enjoyed the peace and quiet. (there was a guy power-washing the sidewalk and it was right next to the freeway!) LOL! But to us that was quiet. We played and played and played. The go carts, batting cages, rollerball, dance nation, video games, air hockey (I won!) YES! = ) And bought some fun stuff for the kids. We also got our pictures taken in one of those photo booths. So funny! You'll have to ask to see them. By the way, I thought we went on the bumper cars, instead of go carts. I laughed the whole time I was ramming into Brian with my car. He was looking at me wierd, but I thought he was just bugged that I was winning. = ) Until we stopped and I saw this tiny sticker on the back of the cars that read, "DO NOT BUMP THE OTHER CARS!" Brian taddled on me. It was hilarious in my opinion. Then we had a nice early dinner. What a great day that was. We laughed and flirted and just remembered how it was before kids. It was very refreshing.

Brian and I have been married for 7 years now. He is a very special man to me. So loving and devoted. Everything I am not, he is, which completely balances me out. I love it. I learn from him everyday something amazing and wise. We complete each other. He is definitely my best friend who pretty much knows me inside and out. We have reached the point in our marriage where we can't get away with anything anymore. We can read each others expressions and know what it going on. We love each other unconditionally and want to spend the rest of our lives together. What a rich life I have with my amazing husband and two precious little children. Thank you God for blessing me abundantly. Brian is such a gift.

New Day ~

It is a new day, the sun is shinning and I am not as down in the dumps as I was yesterday. Yea for that. = ) I think everything just compounded until I couldn't handle it anymore. Let me just clarify that my friend had an addiction to caffeine, I could relate because I am addicted to McDonald's. YUK!! I know. But it is true. So, no more for me....let's hope.

Anyway, yesterday Hannah wouldn't eat what she asked for in the morning, so her 'just as stubborn' mom told her that she couldn't have anything else until she ate her food. Well, whinning, no nap, yelling, josh screaming in his crib, and lunch came and went and no eating. I was ready to pull my hair out. I finally had to calm myself down and sit with her feeding it too her until it was done around 3:30 in the afternoon. OH BROTHER! Thankfully she ate it because I was going to go so far as to tell the nursery workers to not allow Hannah to have pizza with the other kids because I am trying to teach her a lesson. I know mean mom. She has just gotten into the habit of asking for things and then not eating it and wanting something else (unhealthy). I really wanted to nip this one in the butt. So I think we might be getting somewhere. She is doing the same thing today, but not as whinny when I tell her she has to eat her food. We'll see.

Another thing was really bothering me this weekend. Our women's ministry was having sign ups for their retreat. Well, I didn't think much about it, until a friend asked me if I had found a roommate yet. A roommate? Ah no. So I started to look for one. Everyone had their roommates already chosen which left me without one. This really affected me. Maybe it brought back past memories or something, but it bumbed me out. Silly. I am almost 30 and I feel like I am having Junior High issues. lol.

It got me thinking though. Am I unrelatable? Have I hurt anyone? Am I not fun to be with? Is it because I am a pastor's wife? Does that separate me from everyone else? Is it because I haven't lived here long enough to develop those strong relationships? I really don't know.

All I know is that I am not perfect. I have these down times in my life. Moving every 2-4 years throughout my life has caught up to me and is really affecting me. I would like to stay in one place (hopefully this place) Lord willing, and develop great lasting relationships. Have my kids grow up with their playmates and be excited about all of the fun things they are experiencing. This is so foreign to me, but so exciting to think about.

Everything that I have shared might alienate me even more. I hope not though. I hope it will show that I am human, and have up days and down days. I don't want to be someone who is unrelatable or hard to get to know. I want to be real and just plain ol' me.

I was reading Jan Karon's "At Home In Mitford," at 5:00am this morning and the pastor quoted Psalm 32:8 "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you shall go; I will guide you with my eye, never doubt it!" Okay God, I am holding on to that promise. I give up. You make my path straight. I am ready to trust in you.

Today is Brian and my 7th Aniversary. I am excited. We will have fun. I will write about that later.

Today ~

Is a hard day. Up and down emotions. Loneliness. What can I do? "Lessons Learned" is playing in the background. I hope that I will learn lessons today.

My friend is taking caffeine out of her life, most of it. I have to relate to her struggle. I went to McDonald's and drowned in a number #10. = )

I'm sure tomorrow will be better.

To Write or Not to Write ~

That was the question. = ) I love writing, but I also love being quiet, reading, spending time with Brian and then going to bed at 9-10pm. So that doesn't leave me much time to sit down and write on my blog.

I have really begun to quiet down my life since the New Year. I am conciously more aware of what goes on in the month, rather than being so random and booking something everyday of the week. In the Bible, I think in 1 Corinthians it talks about symplifying your life. My friend resently purchased the "Joyce Meyer" Bible and loved it. So I thought I would give it a try too. I LOVE IT! I can't stop reading it. Which is a good thing, right? I love her commentaries and notes. Anyways, in that passage she notes that the more simple your life can be the more peace and joy you will receive. Okay, so I am taking her on. And it seems to be working. I know it hasn't even been a month, yet, however I am hopeful. It got me to think about all of the things that were important to me. Now this revelation also came with another one, that God didn't care what we did with our lives except only that we would use what he has given us for his glory, his work. I for so long have felt pressure from within and from family to further my singing into a career. Well, I tried so many different avenues, broadway, jazz, cover bands, classical, pop, you name it, but found myself only wanting to sing for and to God. That was where I felt the most fulfilled. But recently, I have felt God saying to me, slow down, be still, wait on me. Almost, die to your self and your dreams and follow me.

What a wrestling match I have been having with God lately. Anyway, I am doing that now. I still write and sing when I can, but my mind isn't constantly on higher asperations and goals. It is staying in the moment with my adorable children, with my wonderful husband, and with my relationship with God. My spirit has calmed down quite a bit.

So now my life consists of kids, Brian, God (I know that is the wrong order, I am working on it) = ) Some time with friends, reading, writing music, and sleeping, oh and keeping the house clean. I think that is about all I can handle right now. Even that is a bit much at times. = )

Hannah has started potty training, offically this week. We started her a couple of days ago half with diapers and half without. She had some accidents, but I am so proud to say that today she had 0 accidents, when to the bathroom everytime, held it during naps. (Yes, there were rewards involved, but hey I'm not complaining) She was SOOOO proud of herself today. Her daddy came home (with some helpful nudging from a friend lol ) with a balloon for her that read "You're Special." And he bought me a rose as well. Good Job Brian!! Hannah is also drawing really well, I think, for a 2 year old. Today I found a picture she drew a while ago of a pig! And then today she drew some suns with smiley faces on them. Is this normal? Seems unique to me. Oh well, I am a proud momma, I know.

Joshua started taking his first few steps yesterday morning with his father. He stands on his own every once and awhile. It will be fun seeing him try to keep up with Hannah around the house. Oh, side note, during one of Hannah's trips to the potty I was busy washing her hands and found Josh's hand in the toilet, playing with the water!! YUK!!! Thankfully we had flushed it. He is definitely a curious George. Okay one more thing, we came home from study and our dog was waiting for us. Josh started saying, "Austin, Austin, Hi Austin, Hi Austin" When we put him down he imediately went to him and started playing with him. So cute. One more thing. He says, "mmmm!!!" when he eats something he likes. What a cutie. Okay, okay, I'll stop for now. = )

Okay, it's almost my bedtime cutoff. Hope to write again soon. Good night.