Sunday ~

What a week. I think it is all catching up with me. Almost everyday has been non-stop with things to do. But I really can't complain. It's given me lots of things to write about. Yesterday we were low key in the morning. Contemplating whether or not we wanted to go anywhere. We actually did get out for a bit and enjoyed being together as a family.

Today we drove into church together and I was able to sing worship too! It was exactly what I needed. I wore a maternity dress and felt like I was in heaven. No more sucking it in, feeling awkward in my normal clothes. Mostly everyone noticed I was showing. I am starting to feel much better, not sick ALL the time. But every now and then I get relapses and need to lay around the house all day. It's hard to get sypathy for laying around the house. Oh well.

We went out with friends for the afternoon. Very nice and relaxing. It was great to get out and get to know eachother better. I loved watching the kids play. Then when we got home Hannah and I had naps and the rest of the day was very lazy. Ah.

Just a side note, it is really hard to concentrate with a baby constantly wanting to play with the keyboard. I don't know how you other moms do it everyday. At night I am so exhausted and have to go to sleep. I hope I can really find a regular alone time to do this.

Have a wonderful memorial day.

It's sticky warm ~

We just got back from Brian's baseball game. It was a lot of fun. Brian forgot to bring the fold out chairs so thank goodness we had our backseat to sit on. He rolled it to the shaded part. I felt kinda lame, but some said it was cool. Go figure. = Anyway, we had a good time with friends and watching daddy play awesome! I was very proud.

Yesterday morning we joined up with some other moms at an animal farm. Hannah loved it. She wanted to pet the horses, but they would always turn away. There were turkeys, chickens, roosters, geese, sheep, goats, lamas, pigs, and cows. I had forgotten what all of these animals really looked like up close. When you read books like, "Winnie the Pooh," your childhood memories get a bit distorted. lol. The pig we saw was so huge!! I wish I could describe to you how big he was, and dirty. I was pleasantly surprised how much I enjoyed being there.

Hannah tried walking a bit on her own. What a big girl she is becoming in her mama's eyes. She enjoys life so much and loves to play with other kids.

We're now coming up to the long weekend. It is going to be so beautiful! We don't have too many plans. Hoping we'll get together with our friends and go have a pinic at a park and maybe try out our rollerblades. It has been years.

Oh, another thing, I had my check-up and heard the baby's heartbeat. I haven't been feeling pregnant so to hear it confirms it in my mind more. I am pudging out a little more and more. I have now gotten through the sickness faze (hallelluia) and have started the, "I'M HUNGRY!" faze. lol. We get to find out what we're having next month, hopefully. Fun!

Lastly, I must say that I was sad to see Bo loose, but know that it's for the best. Now he doesn't have the pressure to sing what they give him. He can get a band and make a rockin' cd. We will definitely buy it when it comes out. Good luck to Carrie though. She did a fabulous job and will make a great "American Idol."

Have a good weekend everyone. Til' next time...

Just a sec ~

So many fun things have happened over the last couple of days. I just have been running around so much that I haven't been able to sit down for long to write. Hannah is here and is really wanting to write to you just like Mommy. You might know what that might be like. I will write tonight and am looking forward to it.

Sunshine and friendship are a good thing ~

What a great day today was. I woke up at 6:00am and decided to go down to the grocery store to pick up a few things. Very few people were awake and the sun was starting to rise. I felt like I just drank a huge glass of ice cold water and felt refreshed. I wish I could feel perky every morning and go running or something productive, but no those times are very few and far between.

Hannah and I met up with our friends (not sure if they want us to mention their names so I won't) at the library for story time. We got there a bit late, but was able to spend some time singing and moving and reading a fun story. Then we came over to our house for lunch and some hang time. It was very relaxing and low-key. Our little girls were fun to watch. Each of them had unique personalities and traits already developing. Oh and did I mention how adorable they were. I'm sure they were thinking the exact thing about us moms. Yeah RIGHT!

We played, went for a walk, sat outside and talked in the awesomeness of the day and enjoyed eachothers company. I have always felt that life is so much more fulfilling when you have great friends and family to share it with. It takes on a new light.

I hope that you will forgive me for not writing yesterday, but I was watching AMERICAN IDOL!! I got hooked, big time. So did my husband. We were and are loyal fans of Bo's so our whole family voted, 1 vote for Brian, 1 for Hannah, and 1 for me. It took him 1 1/2 hours to get through so we're hoping that was a good sign. However, I have an interesting feeling that Carrie might actually go home with the win. They both deserve to win. I wish they could have a tie. I guess we'll see tonight!

Take it back ~

Have you ever done or said something that you just wish you could take back? Ug. That was today. It wasn't that bad, I guess. I don't know what came over me. Brian had asked me to pick up something while I was at the grocery store. Ok, no problem. I got everything and a little extra and headed for the register. When I got there I realized that I had forgotten to bring my card. Something tweeked in my brain and I became this totally other person (or maybe my true self came out. lol). Anyway, I pleaded and begged the cashier to help me out and to understand my dilemma. And of course they are required to say that it is against the stores policy to make an exception. I really was mainly frusterated with myself. How could I forget something so important. And then embarrassed for making a scene. I felt bad afterwards and wanted to rewind and start again.

So after dinner I went back and what Brian wanted was gone. Oh brother. I got his second choice and the cashier guy was gone also. No apology today. I use to get myself into these predicament when I was a teenager, what happened? I guess I made another memory. Brian just laughed at me when I told him the story. He knows I can get a little intense at times.

Anyway, today was a good day. Perfect day for my neighbor and I to take our dogs for a walk. They loved it. Then for lunch Brian, Hannah and I sat out on the deck and drank in the sunshine and the view. After Hannah went to bed we sat outside again and had ice cream. What a perfect ending to an almost perfect day. ~

Sunday ~

Ya know, I was thinking of so much to say today after reflecting on the message at church and on the books I've been reading, but I am afraid I'm going to have to make this short, leaving those other thoughts til' tomorrow.

It was a good day to be challenged. Our lives are suppose to be like running a race. You need to train, get into shape, create a disciplined routine, stay committed, and finish the race running like you want to win the prize. This definitely can apply to my commitment as a christian, but where it really hit home for me was in my dream of singing.

I've had this dream ever since I was six years old to be a professional singer, sharing a message through the songs I sang of God's power, His faithfulness and love to as many people as I could. Mainly though to churched people. I see so many (and have been this way myself) people going to church every Sunday, forgetting to praise God for His awesomeness, forgetting to thank Him for Jesus, forgetting to ask for His power and strength from His spirit. We all find ourselves going through the motions a lot of the time and I feel God wants to use me to remind others to feel Him again.

I've stopped running and started walking the track, hoping that God would show me an easier shortcut, but non has come my way so far. He needs me to be disciplined and determined, with the goal infront of me. This is a constant struggle. I deeply want God to see that I accomplished this goal and to be proud of me. Like I said it has been a good day to be challenged.

So many other things to talk about. = ) My family is doing good. We all had a much needed nap in the afternoon and made pancakes from scratch for dinner. (I was so proud of myself, lol)
I went to be bed early last night again and I'm telling you I am such a nicer, happier person. So I better get to sleep. Thank you for reading and considering my thoughts. I hope you can find comfort, support, and inspiration here. = ) Good night.

A Wonderful Time to Breathe ~

Usually my days consist of feedings, housework, naps (take em' when I can get em'!), cooking, errands, and time to be with the family, but on Saturdays I have a little outlet of time for myself. I have hidden away in our office, browsing the web and looking more into this blogging ritual I've begun. I am relaxed, able to breathe, and 'one' with my computer.

I look forward to these days of peacefulness. No responsibilities, no To-Do Lists, just time to find myself again. Ever since I got married I have found that I push away little bits of who I am to meet the needs of my husband, my pets, and now my children. I've done this to myself, mainly and am starting to miss the little unique qualities that make me, me. It is necessary, I think, to give to oneself. What did I like to do before I became an 'adult'? I liked taking walks or running in the rain, going to the library and looking at books for hours which felt like only a moment, taking long naps in the day and waking up refreshed, hanging with friends and enjoying laughter, finding little adventures that life placed infront of me to ad to my many memories, and pursuing my dreams as a singer/songwriter in any creative venue I could. I don't want to lose these things that bring me much happiness. My wonderful husband completely understands and is so supportive. He understands how sacred these Saturdays are to me and I greatly appreciate it!

Hannah is growing so much. She is now wanting to feed herself her cereal in the morning. She takes the spoon away from me and confidently places it in her mouth perfectly, well sort of. She has so much to say about everything.

This new other little baby resting inside of me is growing and getting stronger and bigger. I know it is doing well because I haven't. lol. = ) The mornings are great and when I try to get my chores done, but when the afternoon rolls around it feels like I am no good to anybody. I get very tired, dizzy and nausious. I've been picky over the food I eat. I noticed yesterday that I needed to go to bed at 9:00pm. It was a tough decision because that's when all the good shows come on. = ) But I have to say that I do feel much better today than normal.

Well, I think I should continue this tomorrow. This has been a wonderful break for me.

May 20th, 2005

Today started off pretty dreary. The rain pouring down then breaking for the sun to make it's appearance again and again. Hannah and I had our normal routine inside with breakfast, email time, playtime, nap time, and snacks all the time. What is up with that? She has learned the signs for "more" and "I'm hungry". So all throughout the day she was following me around telling me she was hungry and needed more food. I got so flustered that I called my sister-in-law and then my friend on what to do. I didn't want Hannah to learn that she needed to eat all the time or on the other hand make her starve til her regular meal times. My friend, Molly called me back and gave me some encouragement about the situation. She said it could probably be a growth spurt and if Hannah ate 2 dozen crackers for a day or two she would be fine. I really appreciated her advice and support. I have a tendency to worry over practically everything.

When it finally stopped raining I decided to take Hannah out to run some errands. It was nice to get out for a bit. Hannah is getting quite heavy now and I am wondering since I am three months pregnant when it will be time for me to stop carrying her around. She can walk pretty well, but it's a 50/50 chance if she will hold my hand or not. = ) So she is still being treated like my little baby.

I made dinner in the crockpot which was very yummy! I wanted to make something that all of us could eat. When I put some on Hannah's plate she gave me this huge excited look with her big brown eyes, looking like I hadn't fed her for two days. It was the cutest. I will have to say that recipe was a keeper!

Brian was suppose to play baseball today, but it got rained out so we probably will go for a nice walk with Hannah and Austin (our dog). Then when Hannah goes to bed have a date night watching, "Phantom of the Opera," with ice cream, yum. Then who knows what the rest of the evening will intail. Just kidding.

My Love's Inspiration ~

I've been inspired by so many people in my life. My husband, Brian inspires me to reach for my dreams, to be comfortable with who I am, and to shut my mouth and think before I speak. He is naturally a process thinker and does this effortlessly, I on the other hand am on a huge learning curve. Let's see I've been on it for hmm...over five years now. lol. My parents inspire me to love and accept others unconditionally and also through their 32 year commitment to eachother. My wonderful new friend, Stephanie, inspired me today to start my first ever webblog. It is a bit intiminating, but she made it sound like fun! = ) The only one however, who inspires me the most every single day is my little baby girl, Hannah.

She is the light of my life. She has the sweetest, honest spirit that is always radiating. Life makes her happy. Everything is a new experience for her and she delights in learning about it all. I watch her for hours going from one thing to the other studying, smiling, and filling her face with excitement and joy over the newest thing she has discovered. Hannah is 13 months old. She is walking and creating her own new language. I would not be surprised if I heard something similar in other part of the world.

How does she inspire me so much? She makes me want to be the best mom I can possibly be. When life starts to way on my shoulders she reminds me that there are still so many things to be discovered and enjoyed. Through her loving smile I find myself smiling. I know 100% that she puts her whole trust and love in me. What a gift to be given. I just can't imagine my life without her. And to think I have another one on the way. he, he. Or should I say 'Ug' give me another cracker. = )

Being a mom was pretty far off my radar screen when I found out I was pregnant with Hannah. But it's amazing how God creates someone so wonderful, so part of you and intrusts her into your care. I am the best mom for Hannah and she is the best daughter for me.