A Jumble in My Nogin ~

What a title eh?

Finally, peace and time. The best combo for sitting down and writing a post on my blog. Ya know what happens? I start reading everyone else's blog and by the time I want to post anything I am worn out and can't think of anything to say.

So I've waited quite a bit and now I have so much in my brain I can't think of where to start.



Hannah and I painted our nails this afternoon when Josh was sleeping. She asked again and finally I couldn't say no. I painted her toes and fingers a light purple with glitter and she painted my toes (my nails were painted by moi). = ) I was going to post a picture of my glamorous toes, but I don't have the camera cord to inport pictures. Such is life. Hannah did a great job she was very careful and serious about it. She is such a girl.

That was probably my favorite moment of the day. Today was mostly exhausting. She got disciplined twice and was very testy and angry about stuff today. Where did that attitude come from. My nerves were on the edge with her. And I hate disciplining her. It is the worst feeling in the world (almost), but what can a parent do when there is attitude behind being disobedient? Josh also had a time out in his crib for disobeying and standing on the chair when I looked him in the eye and told him to sit down. He is smart. He looked at me like, what are you going to do about it? So after his episode he was much better and the next time he stood up all I had to do was look at him and he sat right down. They start testing soooo early, he's 18 months now.

Thankfully Brian came home for a quick dinner before heading back out for rehearsal. I hugged him longer than normal just be close to another adult, a friend, my love. It made me get through the rest of the evening. Isn't that funny, he was only home for less than an hour. I think the kids needed him too. Why would they want to be around a mom who was correcting them all day. I know I wouldn't.

So that was our day. I am now sitting on the back deck under our umbrella table, drinking in the rest of the sun and the rustling leaves on the trees. Thank you God for peace.

I've been writing a lot still. It's been a great outlet for me. In my Beth Moore study, "Breaking Free," I just learned that God wants to reveal his glory through us. That is how I see these songs as being a way for Him to show himself to me and hopefully to others who hear them. What an awesome feeling. The one that I finished for the Mother's Day tea is called, "I Celebrate the Seasons of Life" It's neat how it came together. Ya know how blogging is such a great way to pour what going on in your life out and share a part of you with others. Well so is songwriting. And the funny thing about all of this is that I never, ever saw myself as a writer. Because I never wrote anything. Especially anything good! So I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is speaking through me. It has to be Him.

The "Breaking Free" study has been really good. I am not an indepth bible study kinda gal. I am more of a free spirit who likes to do my own thing, but Beth Moore is really bringing the Whole bible to life. She makes you think. What exactly is going on in my heart? Who exactly is God in my life? And yes, there are things I need to break free from. There are sides to me that are ugly. I don't like how I can get angry and be mean with my words. Yuk! I don't like how insecure I can be about myself and accomplishments. Did you know that insecurity can make you proud? I didn't until now. How I worry about almost everything, and how I have to give so much of it to God everyday. Aren't we suppose to be over these things by now. I have been a christian since the age of 6 and fully devoted to Christ since 17 years old. What is my problem?

Well, what I've concluded is that I will always fall short of the glory of God. That he is loving me through what I deal with. I have spent more time reading the Bible by reading a chapter in Psalms, Isaiah, and now in 1st Corinthians everyday, watching CBN, Joyce Meyer, this study, and crying out to God about everything going on in my head without holding back. I am convinced that since I am having time with Him daily I am drawing closer to Him. I am reflecting more of His glory by doing these things. It is breaking me free from the garbage that holds me back from fufilling His purposes for my life. I have to say I love having my relationship with God. More than I ever have. I cling to him.

So those are the deeper things I'm doing, now back to earth, there is a huge pile of laundry on the guest bed staring me in the face right now and do I want to do anything about it? NO WAY!!! I'm done for today. = )