Baby Boy !!!

He is finally here. His name is Joshua. He was born Sunday November 27th and weighed 8lbs. 6oz. He is soooo handsome. I completely fell in love with him the moment he was placed on my chest. What an awesome day that was. Plus, my parents were there to witness his birth. They were suppose to leave that morning, but decided to wait out my labor since it was almost 24 hours long. = )

My water broke at 7:30pm. Everyone was sitting there pretty much watching me go through each contraction. My dad couldn't handle it. Poor guy I don't blame him. Brian was frantic and in his own world trying to get everything ready to go to the hospital. We got there and checked in and my contractions sped up to one every 2-4 minutes. They needed my signature for paperwork and to ask me all the questions they asked me when we PRE-REGISTERED!!!! I was soo mad. I was IN LABOR!! HELLO!! Thankfully I had my mom and Brian there to calm me down and hold me back from exploding. he he. Finally they took me to the delivery room were it took me only on hour and a half to deliver him. They weren't expecting me to be ready so quickly. When I got there I was already 6-7 cm dialated. When the doctor came in he was going to check back with me in an hour to see if I would be ready to push. I asked him what that would feel like and he told me. I said I think I feel that way NOW! He checked and I had fully dialated and was ready to push him out. I have to confess I did buckle down and get the epideral at the last minute. I was so afraid that I would scream my head off and say not so nice things if I didn't. It didn't take the whole way cuz of the speed of delivery so I was able to feel the pain and pressure of pushing.

It was such an awesome and painful experience. I swear, when they took me up to the recovery room I had already forgotten about the pain. With Hannah, ah I didn't forget for a LONG time. But with him it was a distant memory. Well worth the effort. Funny huh?

Well, I need to go and feed the little guy. Brian and Hannah are out runny errands. God has just blessed us abundantly. I'll have to tell you how much I saw his faithfulness and love during this whole thing next time. It is amazing!

Just the Three of Us ~

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. What a day this will be. For most of us it will be filled with family, friends, comotion, food, food, food, games, (are there football games on?), and a time around the table to give thanks. For others it might be just a time of reflection, of peace from the normal everyday grind. Whatever it will turn out to be, it will be wonderful. There is so much to be thankful for. God is extremely faithful. I want to make sure that I remember Him today.

No baby yet. = ) I had false labor Monday and Tuesday, but by Weds. it all stopped. I have been feeling like I am only 6 months along again. I went to my doctor's appt. and found out that none of that work did anything to change my progress. I prayed 'please Lord let me have this baby before my parents get here so that they could be a part of this special time.' So I have to be honest it has been difficult not getting discouraged about it. I've tried walking up and down Cosco and my neighborhood, bouncing on my exercise ball, doing chores around the house, cooking a roast, playing with Hannah, eating spicy food. I don't think there is much more I can do at this point. lol. It's so silly how the last days are just up and down with emotions and anxiety and signs of possible labor.

I have a friend who has helped me focus on the positives of this Thanksgiving holiday that has been such a blessing for me because it is easy to slip into an oh poor me attitude right now. She said this might be a good time for us as a threesome to enjoy eachother for the last time before we become four. It's true. Hannah will get lots of attention from her grandparents, Brian and I might catch a movie for a last date night lol, I might be able to go out shopping with my mom and have hang time. Just have time to appreciate the little things and hide them in my heart when I will be up with Mr. boy in the middle of the night for the next six months or so. (See if I put it that way it doesn't seem like such a bad deal does it?) Plus, my mom is going to be making her turkey dinner for us. It will be heavenly.

Well, I hope that you have a wonderful long weekend with the ones you love and if you are feeling alone this Thanksgiving remember this could be a great time to spend with God and dwell on His love and comfort. There will always be seasons in our lives, but God is always in them all. We are never alone.

I'm Up, I'm Up, I'm Up!! ~

Okay it is 2:45am in the morning and I can't get to sleep. I went to bed at 9:00pm and now I'm up. Yesterday, I had another downer day. Talked to my dad about it and he suggested I read Phil chapter 4 and dwell on it this week. So here is what I am dwelling on thus far: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything present your requests to God and you will find peace through Christ Jesus."

This is a tough thing to do. I have been anxious about EVERYTHING lately. It's been about me quite a bit this week. So this verse is good for me right now. I have to remember that I can find peace and pure joy in Christ Jesus if I look for it in his word and in spending time with him. I love knowing we are not alone. That the God of the universe cares about every little detail of our lives and comforts us through his presence and promises.

I have my doctor's appt. today in the morning. I hope I've progressed more. I am wanting to stay home more. My stomach is so heavy and sore. Whenever I walk I ache alot. I've had a hard time not being able to pick up Hannah. She is my baby. However, I do find that when I do I pay for it with pain in my back. Oh well, like I said she is my baby. I can't help it.

I found a journal insert from April 2nd, 04' the night I started going into labor with Hannah. It was very insightful and encouraged me that I was at the end now. I was very exhausted and extremely hungry. lol. My contractions were getting very uncomfortable. I really, really hope he comes in a couple of days. I don't know how much longer I can carry him around and still be productive. He is a heavier baby than Hannah I am pretty sure about that.

Anyway, I think that is all for now. I might surf the web for a bit more and hopefully go back to sleep for pete sake.

I Am So Tired ~

Was it just me or were there others who had the case of the moodies? I knew today would be a long day because Brian works til 9:00p at night, but I was tired, bored, couldn't think straight. There were so many things I could have found myself doing, but didn't want to do any of them. My poor daughter must have been extremely bored. We do a lot of lounging and cuddling these days. = )

I had Brian come home for a couple of hours so I could take a nap. Hannah had a good one, but I couldn't go to sleep because of the acid reflux that was disturbing things. I feel like I am such a downer today.

Thankfully, I put Hannah down for bed (she is still awake talking to herself!?!) and now I think I will have that wonderful shower I have been hoping for all day. lol. I hate taking showers, but it's amazing how much better you feel afterwards. It's always a mind over matter thing for me. lol.

Okay, I've vented a bit, feel a little better. Thanks for listening. = )

Not as Big as I Thought ~

I had my doctor's check up and I was almost positive that I had gained 8 pounds since the last visit. Last night I felt like I was carrying a ball n' chain in my tummy! For sure, I MUST be 160 lbs. I stepped on the scale and I LOST a pound. OH BROTHER. I was 150 lbs. So I guess I have an "over-exaggerating" problem. lol.

Anyway, baby and mommy are healthy and still waiting for the big day. It is getting closer and closer. The evenings are the toughest for me. I am tired and achy. My lower back hurts most of the time, especially when I walk. I think to myself, 'how long will I be able to carry all of this weight before I go insane?' I know, when he comes I will be carrying the weight still, but my arms have been getting a great toning work-out with Hannah, however my stomach, well it was just getting over the last baby.

I had a "nesting" episode yesterday with Brian. I told him we had to rearrange the living room furniture, get the baby's room ready with the bassenet up, fold laundry, prepare the guest bed just in case, pack the suitcase, and make sure the kitchen is clean. We did it and now I feel good about things. The last thing on the list is put the carseat in the car. I know Brian will get this done soon or else he'll have to come back home and do it when I am in the hospital. He is really putting up with a lot. A lot of emotions and fatigue. Must be difficult for him. Thankfully it will almost be over and then on to the next faze of sleepless nights and ongoing crying. lol.

There really are joys that go a long with parenting. We took Hannah to ride the carasel at the park and then played in the playground together as a family. Brian brought the camera. It was cold in the 40's, but the sun was shining and we were all together. I loved it!

Well, time to go chill in bed, watch tv, read, go to sleep. = )

The Last Month ~

I am almost onto my 37th week of pregnancy. Two days ago I had some false labor contractions and prelabor symptoms. The contractions were crampy and I had three in an hour. I was kinda nervous. Was this the beginning? Nope. They let up. After calling the nurse and getting anxious I just decided to forget about the contractions until they start to get more frequent and more painful. It's not like I don't know what that feels like. But I have to say that this pregnancy has been different then Hannah's. Everything seemed to happen and progress much quicker. I don't remember having contractions til 2 weeks before she came. They weren't crampy or sore until I was in labor.

These warning signs, however, have really gotten me motivated to finish last minute things before he comes. I wrote a list of 10 things I wanted to have done before he was born. I showed them to Brian and asked him to help me. He is a sweetheart. And a task oriented person thank goodness.

One of my friends offered to take Hannah for a couple of hours today so that I could get some stuff done. It was great of her to just offer because knowing me I probably wouldn't have asked anyone. So I've decided to try to finish painting Hannah's room. I left the walls white, but started painting flowers and butterflies a while ago. I know exactly what I want to acomplish. She has a Winnie the Pooh and Piglet on her wall too. She needs a border and some finishing touches like a tree in the closet and a little more flowers and then I will be done. So I'm really looking forward to doing that.

I was thinking I would have Brian paint the boy's room a toupe color to make it a bit warmer and then excesserize (spelling, hmmm) with a choo, choo theme. I also told Brian I needed the upstairs to be painted so that we didn't need to deal with the fumes when baby came. Poor Brian so many projects in such little time. He is a good sport though. I thought the nesting thing only happened with the first baby, but not in my case.

Hannah is down for her nap so I thought I would write a little today. I am really on a day by day basis. The baby could come today or past the due date. It is just a mystery. I am soooooo hoping he'll come before my parents get here for Thanksgiving. Wouldn't that be great!!

I'll try to write again, but who knows maybe the next time will be with a newborn in my arms!!

Ok, I Gotta Say ~

That I can't promise to write as much anymore, like I want to. It is just getting too close to "D" day and my body is just wearing down. Last weekend I went to the hospital to be monitored cuz' I had some questionable pains in my abdomen I had never felt before. They started when I was making pizza in the kitchen. Then I laid down on the couch for a bit and when I wanted to get up it was all I could do to roll off the couch. I stayed on all fours for a couple minutes, not moving because I was in pain. It kinda scared me so I called Brian to come home and give me a break so I could rest and he wanted me to get some advice from the doctor. They said to come in.

Thankfully (I think, lol) I wasn't having contractions. I just pulled some ligaments due to stretching and pulling of the uterus. I was a little disappointed that my son wasn't planning to come sooner rather than on time, but I now know to call the doctor when the contractions are realling starting or my water breaks. So relax, relax I say. mmm...

Last night I couldn't keep from falling asleep at 8:00p and getting up at 7:00am, feeling like i could have gone another hour or two. I also had an hour/half nap in the day. Crazy huh? Tonight is the same. I completely wore out after dinner. My left hip is sore and achy, my heart feels like it is racing and I am on my way to go "night, night." All I can say is that my time is very limiting right now. Wierd.

Hannah is doing good. She is a wonderful, beautiful, unreasonable little toddler. I feel like I am a 24 hour a day teacher and guidance counselor. No wonder I am worn out by days end. She has been teething and also getting over a cold. She had her 18 month check up and she's doing fine. They told us all of the shots she would need to take. Some of the risks to them are kinda scary, like the flu shot having mercury corrolates to autism, Chickenpox vaccine has a slim chance of causing seizures and maybe even death??? Did we ever have to take a vaccine for chickenpox? I thought our parents wanted us to get it young so that we would be immune to it as adults. huh. Anyway, very interesting.

Well, til' next time. I'm off to bed.

"Naps" ~

My daughter has started attaching herself to her "naps" blankies and wants to take them everywhere. It is the cutest thing. She doesn't want to call them blankets only naps. I have finally given in and started calling them this and her regular naps "night night naps." It works for her.

I have lots of housework to do today before our study guests arrive. Those bathrooms, when will I find the time to clean those??? If you have any suggestions or advice with a toddler wanting to be whereever you are, please let me know.

I have started to feel very soar and some pressure already and I am only 7 months along. Is this normal? I am going to call the nurse again to get a second opinion. It's been going on for about a week now.

Well, have a good day. I think we will too. = )

Hurry, Hurry ~

Okay, Hannah is eating her snack right now so maybe I will have some time to write something before she comes over...AH she is right here!!!! Oh know. Just kidding.

I was soooo tired last night. I went to sleep at 9:00 and didn't get out of bed until 7:00am. 10 HOURS!!! Awesome!

Brian is off to work. I've saved my chores for today and tomorrow so I will have stuff to keep myself preoccupied. I am really believing that to be true. Let's see if I follow through and self motivate myself. = )

We are teaching a bible study tomorrow. I am really looking forward to it. There will be four young couples here at our house. We will be going through the "40 Days of Community" by Rick Warren. Should be fun. I love having people over and getting a chance to connect. It is so much fun for me.

Today looks like it will be nice. I think Hannah and I will run a couple of errands before the day is through. Maybe I will leave the stroller at home and let her walk. Nope. Not ready. Maybe I will leave the stroller at home and let her walk to the mailbox with me and back. Yep I think I can handle that adventure.

Well til next time.

Where does the time go! ~

Okay, I am working up to posting something everyday. = ) I am sitting here shopping online. Ebay, craigslist, amazon, the web, I need to go get some ice cream and chill my brain. Today I feel like we have tons of money to spend. However, deep down I know the truth, I'm just denying it right now. I've also been into garage saling. I've found some fun toys for Hannah that were cheep, cheep, cheep. That is the best.

Hannah and I went for a drive to pick up a used double stroller. It was such a nice day to get out. It is in good condition and for $50.00 how could you go wrong?

Baby is kicking now. This is his time when he pretends he is able to run and jump and kick already. Should I really give him ice cream right now? hmmm... But it sounds sooo good with fudge toping. You know what I am going to choose to do right? he he.

No Topic ~

There has been so much to write about that I've just felt overwhelmed by it all. When the evening comes around I am pretty run down and so to write what's on my mind (which is always a lot lol ) looks like a daunting task. So my goal is to each day write a little summary of what went on and call it a day. = )

I am only two months away from having this baby. It's crazy. He is now starting to become a part of my life. Before I knew he was inside me, growing, but I just went on like everything was still the same as usual. Now I am 20 pounds over weight, waking up three times a night, hot as can be. He does summersults in my tummy whenever I am resting lol, I can't see my toes, when I bend down I stay down usually to get some momentum to get back up. lol. It feels like it is coming to the end now. I am excited I think and believe it or not a bit scared. You would think I would be ready to face the pain and work of labor, but I'm not. I can't believe I am putting myself through this again. It is becoming a reality more and more.

We are thinking of getting his room started soon. Have a choo choo theme picked out. It will be cute. We have already received so many awesome clothes for our little guy, I think he's all set to go. So happy about that! We are very blessed to be apart of such a great "family" of friends at our church. So blessed.

Hannah is growing and growing. I love to listen to her talk. Brian showed her how to jump the other day so she practices a lot and can now jump a half an inch in the air. She feels so proud. She has taken yogurt and rubbed it in as sunscreen lotion on her hands, arms and face. = ) She loves to read anything with writing on it in her own language. I wouldn't be surprised if she becomes a public speaker on day. We play nose kisses and just make up our own fun most of the time. I am really starting to enjoy being around her. When I let go of stress and anxiety of being the best mom and let the day play out we both relax and just have fun. On the other side of things we are dealing with hitting when mad or frusterated, screeming, and grabbing things out of our hands without saying please oh and standing up on things. Time outs have become a reality. I still can't tell if they are working, but I'm sticking to them.

Brian is doing well. Caught a cold last week and it is still lingering a bit. He rarely gets colds. He is getting excited about doing little projects around the house. He is very handy and gifted. I can't wait to see what he does. We are wanting to really focus on our family time together. I'm glad. We always enjoy being together (for the most part lol )

Well, I could go on and on and on, but I must stop. Goodnight.

I'm Back!

Hey it's been awhile. = ) I heard that there are actually people out there who are reading this. How exciting! I do apologize for taking some time off. I got lazy there and wanted to watch tv, browse the web, or sleep with the little time to myself that I've had. It finally clicked a couple of days ago that I was really wasting away my time. I don't know about you, but I get in these moods where I boycout things that I love to do, but take to much effort. How dumb.

Anyways, enough about me. Hannah has just been growing and maturing right before my very eyes. She graduated today to the 18 to 2 1/2 year old room from being in the nursery. She was a little, big girl now. I almost cried. lol. She was playing with a play kitchen and crib with baby dolls, having the greatest time. I went in to check on her, but she really didn't need me. She was having fun with her friends. lol. During one of our breakfasts last week she did the most adorable thing ever! I was feeding her yogurt and she thought it looked like sunscreen lotion so she put some on her hands, arms and face and rubbed it in so delicately. It was the cutest! How could I tell her that we eat yogurt not nurture our skin with it. = )

Tonight before bedtime I was getting ready to put her jammies on and she took my arms to get my attention, looked me in the eyes and gave me a kiss. I totally melted. Usually I ask for one and either she says "no" or she'll give me a quick one. The joys of being a mother, eh?

What words is she coming up with now? So many. She has over 50 words in her vocabulary now. Let's see: horse, all gone, open, she says "bye, bye brush" when she's done brushing her teeth, she says, "bye, bye" to her specific toys or things that she is leaving, shoes, Austi for our dog Austin, apple, orange, beep for grape, nana for banana, bark for fork, spoo for spoon, bow for bowl, dance for music and dancing, cars, trucks, plane, rain, ish for fish, crackers, aisens for raisens, crayons, gaw for draw, pen, yes, elp for help, mommy, daddy, night-night, nap for her blanket. She is also starting to put words together to tell us what she wants like: Austi, go, ball, down, for "Can we go play ball with Austin downstairs?" (I'm using this space to document all these things. Sorry if it is boring. = ) )

Hannah's personality and character is just coming out so much these days. She is definitely a joy to be with.

The other little one in my tummy is kicking most of the time. He rolls and jerks my stomach way more than Hannah ever did. I am already starting to feel the braxton hicks. Everything seems to be happening much earlier than I remembered it. I am due November 27th. I'm hoping he'll come early so my parents will be in town. I registered at the Baby Depot the other day cuz' a friend suggested it. Oh my gosh I didn't realize I hadn't even thought about a theme for his room. So I had so much fun looking at all of the bedding. TOO CUTE~

Hmmm...what else. Well we are pretty busy this month. The summer flew by and now it is on to fall. Amazing. I am actually looking forward to cooler weather. I was beginning to think I would melt away in those 90 degree days we had.

So onto another week. I'll write again sooner rather than later. Too many fun things to talk about these days. Goodnight~

We're Off ~

We are getting ready to go camping tomorrow, just the three of us and the dog. It is a much needed break to get away with just the family. We will be staying on the lake. I bought a so called maternity swim suit or should I say a large two piece. = ) I am so exited. I really want to swim and be in the water with Hannah.

I am enjoying the pregnancy right now. Baby is kicking a lot and I have a hearty appetite, mmmm......... I love this stage. I also don't have to sleep as much so I feel more productive.

Next week we'll be getting ready to go up to see my parents for a couple of weeks. Now I am excited about summer! Summer is suppose to be all about vacations, right?

Well, hope you are enjoying yours. = )

Peaches ~

Yum, peaches~ I am eating sliced peaches with ice cream..um...I mean I just ate peaches with ice cream. lol. They went by quick. This pregnancy I've been craving fruit, lots and lots of fruit. Peaches are on the top of the list. I used to be a veggie gal. I have changed my ways. = )

Summer is here and is beautiful. Brian, Hannah and I went to a nice park, played in the water and with tons of rocks. It was so nice to be together. Sometimes it is really easy for us to be focused on work, daily routines, etc that we forget to have fun.

The baby is kicking more and more. I am getting more and more fat! It feels like that anyway. I look cute in some clothes, but in others I look like a whale with a tiny head. lol. I tried telling Hannah about her baby ________ and pointed to my belly then she pointed to her belly to say that __ was in there. It was cute.

She has been very loving and needing my affection lately. She is starting to put two words together. Not a lot. Like "bye bye wa, wa" or "dada go" I find the more quality time I give her, the less screaming she voices. Go figure. I definitely have lost some MORE screws up top. I'm not at the place, though, where I am identifying with the blond jokes yet. Thank goodness.

I know it has been 10 days since I last wrote. I find it hard to write with dial-up as well as always needing to catch up on my sleep. My free time is very limited. It is split up between my husband, my daughter and now another baby. When I do find those times for myself I try to drink it all in.

Well, til next time. I hope everyone is having a good summer. Hey a note, I found out that taking a cold shower and sleeping infront of a fan does wonders to cool a pregrant person down in 90 degree weather. Just thought I would let you know. = )

Sunday ~

Well another week has gone by. Quite a few things have happened this past week that have made my emotions feel like they've been on a rollercoaster ride. Weird...

We celebrated the Fourth of July at a wonderful friend's home. They invited us to be apart of their family and made us feel very welcome. They had a panoramic view of the valley. We watched 3 to 4 different firework presentations. It was relaxing and beautiful.

Then to hear about the London bombings a couple of days later was such a contrast. My heart went from content and peaceful to perplexed and heavy. Another terrible act of hatred was displayed.

From there our little family went to the doctor's office for my checkup and ultrasound. Guess what we found out??? lol.

When we got back home my brother called from his cell asking what our exit was because they were on their way to visit. I was excited, but also wasn't ready since I thought they would show up at mid-night or the next day. They didn't care and I was able to clean up the place before too long. My nephews were the cutest. Hannah liked the company, however let them know when they were crossing her boundaries. That was funny. They stayed the night and the next day we went to the park and to lunch. After they had said their goodbyes I was so sad to see them go. There just isn't anything like family. I don't know what it is, but a deep connection and hopefully a trust that has been built over the years makes it uniquely special.

Brian and I then finished the first season of "24." I had to stay up past my bedtime to watch it. That show really pulls you in. It's amazing.

Lastly, today was church. After all of the highs and lows of this past week I found myself coming back to my constant relationship with God. No matter what happens around me or to me he never changes. His promises never change. I can count on his peace, love, and faithfulness. He has proven himself over and over again through so many things. This week I asked for peace and my heart felt peace. I asked for His comfort and my heart felt comforted. I asked for his faithfulness and he proved himself faithful. Hey, I am no saint. I forget this often and find myself farther away from him then I'd like. That is why this hit me so hard. I realized my relationship with Him was the number one most important thing in my life. I can always run to Him and give all of my emotions to him and feel peace. It was so nice to remember this today. = )

July 2nd ~

Today was my birthday. = ) Another day older, more mature and more adult. However, all of that faded into the background when my husband and I went to the city and had a date night. It was like we were newly married again and on another little adventure, discovering new things as a couple in love. We did talk about the kids, but they weren't the focus. The focus was us. I think it was a good reminder of how much we loved eachother and enjoyed eachother's company. Hannah was safe and well taken care of. I didn't need to worry at all. I really felt special today. So to be 28 is really not so bad when you spend it with the people you love who love and care about you, who know how to make you feel like you are important and cherished.

I Get Lost In The Wind ~

The steady breeze is blowing through the windows escaping down the hallway. When I feel the touch of the wind I get caught in a trance. Does that ever happen to you? It reminds me to stop and breathe. It speaks calmness into my soul and for a moment I feel like this day is going to be manageable. It whispers all of the positives that have happened during the day, reminding me to look up and get out of the slump I'm in. You can probably tell I am pretty meloncholy at times. = ) I'm telling you I find that when I am pregnant my moods exaggerate. I'm either so high on life or I'm blue and can find a million things why. This blog is not ment to be a downer. I promise there have been some wonderful times this past week that I will share. It's just I love having a place to lay my thoughts down. I need a place to be honest and real; a place to be me. Thank you.

Being at home full time has had it's ups and downs. For the most part I wouldn't change a thing. However, there are times when I feel like I am the lead character on "Groundhog Day." That is such a disturbing movie for me. Brian loves that movie. It's one of his faves. For me it makes me cringe because to do the same things over and over again is torcherous. I try to live freely with Hannah doing different things during the day, planning it as it comes. But for the most part we are managed by her sleep and eating schedules. She is such a happier baby when she goes to sleep at regular intervals throughout the day and I am much more sane, but also much more bored. I either sleep when she sleeps or try to figure out what I could do for me that would be fun.

I got hooked on the first season of 24 when Brian rented it out. I feel for any of you who had to watch only one episode at a time waiting what might have seemed an eternity til the next one. My heart is with you. We have been staying up watching like 3 or 4 episodes a night. It's a soap opera in a way, but much more intense. = ) So this has been a fun way to escape from the regular routine. I also decided to focus on the backyard, prunning and weeding. I have to be careful with my pregnancy and allergies, but Hannah plays in her playpen and I am one with nature. I'm also trying slowly to get back on the piano. I know I need to do it. I love it when I start, but it is such a struggle to get on that bench. I'm such a perfectionist and when I make too many mistakes for my liking I quit and don't want to try again. Silly huh?

We've spent some great evenings together as a family lately. Brian adores Hannah. He chases her around the house and she tries to get to "mama" because she knows "mama" will keep her safe. lol. She loves to scream for attention more and more. The books say to ignore it til this faze ends or whisper back so she can see your mouth move, but can't hear what you are saying or say 'use your inside voice' and deter her attention to something else. We're trying. Her new words are: "on", "out", "bye bye", "ovv" for off, and "bubba" for bubble, and "baba" for baby. It has been so fun to talk to her. That's our biggest thing I guess.

So the wind has subsided and I must get ready for bed. = ) I want to spend some much needed quite time with the Lord. So goodnight.

One more thing as a side note to my Aunty Mel. Please send me your email address. I would love to write back to you more. Love ya!

Hmmm...A Title ~

I could put down allergies or exhaustion again for my title, but I will spare you. lol.

Hannah and I did go to a park with some other moms for the morning. We had a nice time. The weather was suppose to be very warm, however when we got to the park the wind chill factor was like 40 degrees. = ) It was nice and sunny there. I was able to connect with some friends I haven't seen in a while.

I think Hannah is probably too young yet to really appreciate the park. She liked the swing for 5 mins and then wanted up. She slid down the slide a couple of times, but I didn't really see any excitement in her facial expression. She did, however enjoy eating the bark off the ground. She thought that was pretty funny since I kept on throwing them away and saying, 'Yuk Hannah.' What ever happened to sand? I just haven't found a sandbox she can play in yet.

I'm telling you that little outing to the park wore me out. I slept for two hours with Hannah and still had to sit on the couch like a zombie till Brian got home. He has encouraged me that I was the same way with Hannah. That makes me feel a little more normal. I've felt the baby kick a bit the past couple of days. I go in to find out what it is July 8th. We'll see. We don't really care either way. We're pretty casual about the whole thing.

Till next time. It is almost my bedtime. lol.

Costco ~

I had a nightmarish thing that happened to me at Costco the other day I thought I would share. Hannah and I had been in the house for about two straight days so I wanted to bring her along with me to Costco to give her another perspective on life. We got there, found my card, strapped her in, had my grocery list, and started loading up the cart. I was very proud of myself because I didn't stop to browse or pick up things I wanted that weren't on the list. It was a quick trip and got everything we needed. Hannah was a dream baby, just looking at everyone and everything, drinking it all in.

When we got to the register the cashier found something wrong with my card and had a gal go check it out. Hannah was on the other side of the register in the cart which made me a little nervous. The gal took about 10 mins to get back. She said that my card had expired and that I needed to get a new one before they could ring me up. I asked how this could be that I was using it for 9 months and it was fine. She said that our old church discontinued our membership the 28th of last month. I was frusterated because there was a line of people right behind us, Hannah wasn't in my arms, I did not get a notice in the mail about the change. The gal said to go to the membership area and ask if our new church has signed us up yet. I said why would they do that if our old card was working for months?

In my frusteration I took Hannah, they put my cart to the side and went to see the gal at membership. They looked up our info and found nothing. Hannah decided then to jerk and want down. I out of my embarrassment and frusteration shook her a little to get her attention to stop. I felt like one of those moms that you see in store making a scene with her child. I then started to cry, not knowing what to do. I had our dinner in the cart.

I went back to the register, told the girl they couldn't find anything. I said I don't understand how Costco could not have any flexibility with customer's that have been faithful for years? All she could say was sorry. I asked her if I could speak to a manager. I thought I would need to call later when I got back home, but she found one right away. I sat at the tables with Hannah in my arms with tears streaming down my face. I asked him how Costco couldn't look at these situations case by case. That our card has worked for four years. That when you go to Costco you more then likely fill your cart to the rim. And how embarrassing it is to get to the register at be told you can't buy anything you had just because of a exp. that happened days ago. I couldn't believe how much I was crying. He asked me how I was going to pay for it, I told him with cash. So he overrided the system for me and let me get through this one time. I was so thankful and so embarrassed. I was not out to get Costco in anyway and this whole episode took about 20 mins.

The reason why I am telling you all of this it to maybe offer some advice, some encouragement. I learned to always talk to the manager before you take no for an answer. Also, even though I love my little daughter I learned I will not take her on those kinds of outings again. = )

I need to get going, but I am hoping to write again tonight. Hope you all have a wonderful summer's day.

The Ten Things We Learned ~

1) ALWAYS pack a bag of snacks whenever you go out because you never know when you might need them.
2) Learn of alternate routes before going somewhere by yourself without a cell phone.
3) Make sure your baby is comfortable with many things to preoccupy him/her just incase you are in the car for four hours or more.
4) Try to carry some cash with you at all times, bills and change to either pay for lunch, dinner, parking or a ferry ride.
5) Never go across the water when there is a severe thunderstorm watch in affect with possible hail.
6) Find out which radio stations broadcast local news and if there isn't any, call the radio stations and demand better updates on special reports!! j/k (I didn't do that)
7) Call Portland news stations and/or the government building and ask why there isn't better coverage of top stories in our city. (I didn't do this either)
8) Have a sun visor handing for days when baby is in the sun when you are at a stand still in traffic for hours with the sun on his/her side.
9) Be kind to other drivers who want to get infront of you to try and keep the peace, unless there is a someone behind you flipping you off and yelling, "What the _____ do you think you are doing?!?!?
10) Finally, be thankful for all that God has blessed you with. That you can find hope and peace in him when unexpected things occur as well as a sense of humor.

Yesterday was a very interesting, eventful day. A good family memory.

My Little Shadow ~

I am so filled with emotions, total exhaustion, sad that I have a list of things to accomplish that never gets finished, irritable with being available to Hannah 24/7 it seems, and pregnant with a belly that keeps growing and growing and growing. BUT, what wipes away all that at the end of the day is the thought of my little shadow.

Even though being a mom is very demanding and you never know what the next day will have in store. Even though I run out of things for playtime with Hannah and get bored with the same ol' toys. Even though I clean a messy baby three times a day for meals and three or four times for diapers. And even though whenever I try to get a project done Hannah is wanting my total, complete attention. I have to say I LOVE knowing that she loves me, that our love for one another is unconditional. I love how she buries her head in my legs, how she nuzzles her nose into my neck wanting to remember my smell, how on very special occasions that only she decides she will give me a kiss and smile a loving smile, thanking me for all I've done as her mom. I know when I stop to think of those precious shadow moments time will eventially have them end. She might not even remember any of them, but I will always hold them close to my heart. She is my special shadow. I love her so much. Hmmm... I should write a song? = )

Allergies ~

Yes, allergies. Brian and I both have them pretty bad this summer. Brian wants to scratch his eyeballs out and I want to get rid of my stuffy nose. LOL. It's pretty funny actually.

Well, Hannah and I are back home now. We had a great time with my parents. I believe that when your heart and body cries "go on vacation!" you need to listen. I didn't realize how exhausted I've been lately. I took good naps there. I also didn't realize how much I missed my friends and family.

The barbacue was great. Saw lots of people. Our old house was decorated very nicely. They did a great job. I took lots of pictures to show Brian and he also agreed with me. I was able to visit with my old neighbor. Got the scoop on what was happening with the neighborhood. I had forgotten how beautiful and quiet it was where we lived. We went to church Sunday and saw so many people, choir members and staff. I put Hannah in the nursery thinking she would need me to stay with her a while to get used to the new enviornment, ah no. She barely new I was even there. That girl, she is so funny to me. Sometimes so independent. I was sad for a second and then remembered 'hey I was free for an hour, yea.' = ) I learned what I appreciated about living there and also what I appreciated about living here.

Up there I was working two jobs and Brian was working two jobs. Here I don't need to work. I really am thankful for that. We used to commute a half hour to hour a day to and from work. Here, it is less than 15 mins. I came back home with a goal to learn as much as I could about this place and go out and live an adventure. We rarely had time to do that before. I am finding out this place has lots to explore.

Hannah has been working on her words lately. She can say now, "papa", "oma", "cracka" for cracker, "nellow" for yellow, and "paboo" for peekaboo. She also has been wanting to put on her shoes BY HERSELF, put on her socks BY HERSELF, put the pacifier in her baby dolls mouth BY HERSELF, etc... If I try to help her without her permission, oh brother, I get a big tantrum. Another thing I've been teaching her is to climb up the stairs with my supervision of course. Well, I had forgotten to update Brian so when he came out of the bathroom the other day he found her up the first flight of stairs playing with the door mat. AHHH!!!! I guess she was able to do it all BY HERSELF, but how scary was that!! One more thing she started a couple of days ago was to bury her head in my legs, always wanting to be close to me. It is very flattering, but being pregnant and having a 23 lbs. baby wanting to be in your arms all the time is a bit hard on me. It seems like some moms can pull it off and have it not even faze them, ah not me. I have come to terms that I am a WIMP!! Oh well, such is life. I sure do love her and think the world of her.

I think I've been feeling the other little one kick every now and then. I am at that stage where you're thinking 'is this baby still alive?' I remember that month with Hannah, I barely felt pregnant. All I can do is just trust that everything is alright. We have our next ultrasound July 8th. Can't wait. We want to find out this time. Good planning. Hopefully the baby will cooperate. I am definitely in my maternity clothes now. Thankfully I think I have found some cute outfits to wear this summer. I don't feel like such a big fat whale anymore with maternity clothes hiding the evidence. lol.

Mini Vacation ~

Hello my dear friends and fam. We are here visiting the grandparents for the weekend. I've caught up on sleep. I haven't needed to cook any dinners. Hannah has been preoccupied with her loving and devoting "papa" and "gran...." Still can't say grandma, we're working on it though. As well as watch some movies, like "Treasure Hunt" with Nicolas Cage. Great family movie. Reminded me of "Goonies" my all time favorite treasure movie. Tonight will be "In Good Company." Looking forward to that. Everything we've done has been pretty low key, but so good for me.

Tonight we are going to a friends barbecue at their house. (We sold our old house to them) It will be great to see old friends and our old house. Brian wants me to take lots of pictures of it. Hope they won't mind. hehe. I wonder if Hannah will recognize any of it? Hmmm.... probably not. We'll see.

Well, hope you all have a great rest of the week. I'll let you know how everything went when we get back.

I Lift My Eyes ~

That is what I've been wanting to do all day long. Lift my eyes to the Lord. Today has been a 'full of all sorts of emotions' day. My mom said that I had to remember that I am more hormonal now in my pregnancy. I sure hope she is right.

I've been dealing with a lot of things lately. When to be a crusader and when to be a listener, when to intervine and when to step out of a situation, when to open myself freely to people and when to let time reveal who I am? Without getting into too much detail, I hope that makes sense.

I've also really been missing my parents lately and am thinking Hannah and I will pay them a visit this week. I am not looking forward to the trip part of it, but I am thinking it would be a good thing for us to do.

On a lighter note, I've been wondering for a while now what does 2T, 4T, etc... actually mean? I bought some things that were 2T and they barely fit Hannah. I thought they were ment to be for 2 year olds??? So confused.

Also, I asked my friend if she worried about bringing up her little one in a certain way so that she would grow up to be a good person? Because I do. And she said something that I never even considered. She said, "no" that since her and her siblings turned out okay she felt that her baby would probably do the same thing with following her mother's example as a guide. I loved that. I am going to try to think that way more.

I better go, but I will leave you with a part of a song Susan Ashton sang that has been playing over and over in my head. And has been a constant comfort to me.

"I lift my eyes to the hills
For where does my help come?
My help it comes from the Lord
Who made heaven and earth.
He will not let my foot be moved.
He who keeps me will not slumber.
Behold who keeps Israel
Will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is my keeper
The Lord is the strength on my right hand.
The sun shall not hurt me
By day nor the moon by night
The Lord is my keeper
The Lord is the shade on my right hand.
The Lord is my keeper
From this time forth and forever more."

Belated Sunday ~

I so wanted to write again. It's been too long in my opinion. We decided to get dial-up, but are afraid now to use it in the evening in case it wakes Hannah up! Oh brother! So this morning I asked Brian if he would watch Hannah while I did my blog. I close the door thinking this would be a great time to formulate my thoughts about the past couple of days however, my wonderful little girl is outside the door crying. Where did my solace go? I'll have to be creative and find it another way.

Okay, she's calmed down a bit. I think maybe I can start to write again. Let's see... Honestly, I don't remember too much from Friday to Saturday, but Sunday was a great day. The message at church was probably one of my favorites that I have heard in a very long time. It talked about Isaiah 30:15, being quiet with the Lord, allowing him to show you who you are. Resting in the Lord and finding your strength.

Being quiet is a very scary thing for me. Either my mind is still racing with thoughts and prayers or I fall asleep! lol! During my time with God I am usually the one talking. Another thing that scares me is that I won't be productive. I'll have so many things on my list to get done that I will feel guilty sitting by myself for a long period of time just being quiet. I really want to try this though. I think what I'm going to do is when Hannah goes to bed, go find a quiet place to sit and listen for hmm... I'll try 10-15 mins. for starts. See what happens. The message really challenged me. I loved that.

Brian and I got a wonderful treat as well. We found a babysitter for Hannah and went out on an official date! We so wanted to see "Star Wars," but it was all sold out when we got there. Bummer!! I told myself that I wasn't going to be disappointed so we decided to go out to eat to a restaurant I had been eyeing for a while. It had great ambiance, the food was okay. I did like the chips and salsa though. We sat and talked for a long time, really enjoying each other's company once again. I don't know about Brian, but I needed so much to remember what it was like when it was just us. We decided that we needed to try to make the time to go out once a month together. Now that we have some great people to take care of Hannah I feel much more comfortable with that.

Well, I still haven't ventured out and tried any of those recipes for Hannah yet. Maybe next week. (can you tell I am a procrastinator?) I have been a bit more busy in the kitchen though. Since my pregnancy I've despised store bought bread. I can taste the sugar and the gluten and it makes me cringe. So now that I am feeling better, I've decided to make my own 100% whole wheat bread from scratch. It was soooooo yummy! Since I already was using my mixer and all of the ingredients I thought hmmm... why not make some homemade rolls too! They were super easy to make and taste just like what my grandma used to make. It was great. Made me reminisce of all the wonderful times I had at my grandparents house. Grandpa made homemade root beer (you can't make anymore), Grandma made kuchen, poppyseed bread, homemade bread, rolls, homemade soups, fresh fruits and veggies from their garden, and homemade ice cream. She was my role model for sure. She knew how to cook, clean, sew, knit, crochet, stitch, paint, play the piano, sing, I could go on and on and on. I really do miss her. She was the one who started me on garage saling too. he he.

Anyway, off on a bit of a tangent. Oh yeah, so I had some time to sit down Saturday and plan out the meals for the week. Went to the store and got everything I needed. (you must know that this is a HUGE learning experience for me, I never know what I am going to cook the next day our meals are pretty sad actually) Sunday I had a pot roast in the slow-cooker and we had a great lunch ready after church. 1 point for mommy! So we'll see how the rest of the week plays out. lol.

I Love this Time ~

Whenever I get a chance to write it is so freeing for me. Ya know, I never liked writing because it was always an essay or a paper or a thesis, all of which were graded and commented on by the 'all powerful,' 'all knowledgeable' teacher. I would be so afraid of my grammer or my punctuation or that I didn't start a new paragraph at the correct time. To much stress! Here, I have so much freedom. It's like the sky's the limit.

Hannah has been learning new things everyday. She decided she wanted to go around in circles. I laughed. What makes her want to just do that? She also shakes her head til' she is dizzy and almost falls down. I am almost to the point where I am getting concerned. I hope it's nothing serious. Another thing she has learned is to walk backwards with her push toy. I never taught her that. I wonder if she learned that from being in the nursery? She is such a joy, heavy, but a joy to be with. She can adapt to almost anywhere I take her. I think she entertains herself with all the new things she sees. Kinda reminds me of myself. I hope she won't aquire my flightiness though. lol.

I started my ban of TV last night. It was amazing. For the two and a half hours I had to myself I reorganized and cleaned up our entire downstairs. I'm telling you I did quite a bit. It was great! I turned on some music and enjoyed the evening.

I also checked out some cookbooks from the library on how to cook for your baby the other day. One was about organic foods (I had to put that one away because it was making me stressed and worried I wasn't feeding Hannah healthy enough foods). The other one was a gourmet cookbook divided into stages of baby's food development. I loved it and got very inspired. I really want to try some of the recipes in there. When I figure out how to take a picture of the book and post it on my blog I will do that. I'll also let you know if any of the recipes turned out and were a success!

One more thing I forgot to mention, I am teaching Hannah how to sign 'please' and 'thank you.' My child needs to have manners ya know. lol. She's so cute, she means well, but get them confused and mixed up. It's fun to watch her. Oh yeah, and she also started hitting when she gets frusterated or playful. Not a good thing in my book. I've been trying to teach her to be gentle. Works 50/50 and also to give hugs instead. She does to me which is so redeemable. hehe.

Brian and I really are needing to have a date night pretty soon. I'm trying to think of fun, creative things to do on our much overdue date. Have any ideas?

Have a great evening. Good Night.

Quiet ~

It's 5:00am in the morning and I'm wide awake. Thankfully everyone is still sleeping. Ah...I can write again. I was thinking, how could I continue posting in my blog without making my child play in the office for an extended period of time. Yes! I can write out my thoughts on paper in any room we're in and when I'm done just type in the data and voila, published in 5 mins. I am going to try this and see if I'm successful at it.

I felt much better yesterday than I did the day before. I really believe I wore myself out. My body said, "STOP!" Yesterday and last night I went to bed at 9:00pm. Hannah's been waking up at 6:30am lately so I've needed to sleep way early. So I've been getting on average so far 9 hours of sleep. My body has tried to tell me I'm pregnant, but I've just been forgetting. Now, I'm beginning to realize I need to slow way down, take it easy.

Hannah and I got together with our play group. started at the park, but got rained out so we ended up at the mall, walking and sharing what our tastes in clothing and shoes were. It was fun for me to observe how different and unique we all were. I like to get together regularly. I enjoy their company so much.

We had some friends over for dinner. It was nice to hang out and get to know them better. They had two children that were so cute. I was thinking about something this morning how I've been around kids a lot lately, of all different ages. It's been very educational. I've forgotten what kids are like. I've been going month to month with Hannah, taking what comes next. Not even comprehending that she is going to be 2 one day, or 4, or 7, etc...

I read a little before bed in my "Captivating" book by John and Staci Eldredge. Basically they're trying to uncover what so many of us women have hidden away which is our captivating heart. What makes us unique, beautiful, living our lives with radiance. I'm in the chapter that talks about being wounded by our past, hating what has happened to us. It's kinda hard to read, but I can relate to some extent. For me there have been people who have said things to hurt me and put me down or have treated me in a certain way that has made me shy away from my own beauty. I have created shields of protection to protect me from getting hurt again. From reading this book I see that by being that way I'm hiding parts of myself ment to shine and be beautiful for all to see. I really want to get back to when I wasn't afraid to be me. I'm on a journey to find out who "me" is again. I'm loving it actually. It's been so freeing. By observing my friends I've seen how different we are in our looks, in our tastes, in our giftings. God has made me specifically for a reason and purpose that is totally unique to me. I'm hoping through my journey I will develop enough courage and determination to unveil my own captivating heart in what God has placed me on this earth to be and do. I'll keep you posted. = ) Until then have a wonderful day and enjoy who you've been so masterfully created to be...Captivating!

Sunday ~

What a week. I think it is all catching up with me. Almost everyday has been non-stop with things to do. But I really can't complain. It's given me lots of things to write about. Yesterday we were low key in the morning. Contemplating whether or not we wanted to go anywhere. We actually did get out for a bit and enjoyed being together as a family.

Today we drove into church together and I was able to sing worship too! It was exactly what I needed. I wore a maternity dress and felt like I was in heaven. No more sucking it in, feeling awkward in my normal clothes. Mostly everyone noticed I was showing. I am starting to feel much better, not sick ALL the time. But every now and then I get relapses and need to lay around the house all day. It's hard to get sypathy for laying around the house. Oh well.

We went out with friends for the afternoon. Very nice and relaxing. It was great to get out and get to know eachother better. I loved watching the kids play. Then when we got home Hannah and I had naps and the rest of the day was very lazy. Ah.

Just a side note, it is really hard to concentrate with a baby constantly wanting to play with the keyboard. I don't know how you other moms do it everyday. At night I am so exhausted and have to go to sleep. I hope I can really find a regular alone time to do this.

Have a wonderful memorial day.

It's sticky warm ~

We just got back from Brian's baseball game. It was a lot of fun. Brian forgot to bring the fold out chairs so thank goodness we had our backseat to sit on. He rolled it to the shaded part. I felt kinda lame, but some said it was cool. Go figure. = Anyway, we had a good time with friends and watching daddy play awesome! I was very proud.

Yesterday morning we joined up with some other moms at an animal farm. Hannah loved it. She wanted to pet the horses, but they would always turn away. There were turkeys, chickens, roosters, geese, sheep, goats, lamas, pigs, and cows. I had forgotten what all of these animals really looked like up close. When you read books like, "Winnie the Pooh," your childhood memories get a bit distorted. lol. The pig we saw was so huge!! I wish I could describe to you how big he was, and dirty. I was pleasantly surprised how much I enjoyed being there.

Hannah tried walking a bit on her own. What a big girl she is becoming in her mama's eyes. She enjoys life so much and loves to play with other kids.

We're now coming up to the long weekend. It is going to be so beautiful! We don't have too many plans. Hoping we'll get together with our friends and go have a pinic at a park and maybe try out our rollerblades. It has been years.

Oh, another thing, I had my check-up and heard the baby's heartbeat. I haven't been feeling pregnant so to hear it confirms it in my mind more. I am pudging out a little more and more. I have now gotten through the sickness faze (hallelluia) and have started the, "I'M HUNGRY!" faze. lol. We get to find out what we're having next month, hopefully. Fun!

Lastly, I must say that I was sad to see Bo loose, but know that it's for the best. Now he doesn't have the pressure to sing what they give him. He can get a band and make a rockin' cd. We will definitely buy it when it comes out. Good luck to Carrie though. She did a fabulous job and will make a great "American Idol."

Have a good weekend everyone. Til' next time...

Just a sec ~

So many fun things have happened over the last couple of days. I just have been running around so much that I haven't been able to sit down for long to write. Hannah is here and is really wanting to write to you just like Mommy. You might know what that might be like. I will write tonight and am looking forward to it.

Sunshine and friendship are a good thing ~

What a great day today was. I woke up at 6:00am and decided to go down to the grocery store to pick up a few things. Very few people were awake and the sun was starting to rise. I felt like I just drank a huge glass of ice cold water and felt refreshed. I wish I could feel perky every morning and go running or something productive, but no those times are very few and far between.

Hannah and I met up with our friends (not sure if they want us to mention their names so I won't) at the library for story time. We got there a bit late, but was able to spend some time singing and moving and reading a fun story. Then we came over to our house for lunch and some hang time. It was very relaxing and low-key. Our little girls were fun to watch. Each of them had unique personalities and traits already developing. Oh and did I mention how adorable they were. I'm sure they were thinking the exact thing about us moms. Yeah RIGHT!

We played, went for a walk, sat outside and talked in the awesomeness of the day and enjoyed eachothers company. I have always felt that life is so much more fulfilling when you have great friends and family to share it with. It takes on a new light.

I hope that you will forgive me for not writing yesterday, but I was watching AMERICAN IDOL!! I got hooked, big time. So did my husband. We were and are loyal fans of Bo's so our whole family voted, 1 vote for Brian, 1 for Hannah, and 1 for me. It took him 1 1/2 hours to get through so we're hoping that was a good sign. However, I have an interesting feeling that Carrie might actually go home with the win. They both deserve to win. I wish they could have a tie. I guess we'll see tonight!

Take it back ~

Have you ever done or said something that you just wish you could take back? Ug. That was today. It wasn't that bad, I guess. I don't know what came over me. Brian had asked me to pick up something while I was at the grocery store. Ok, no problem. I got everything and a little extra and headed for the register. When I got there I realized that I had forgotten to bring my card. Something tweeked in my brain and I became this totally other person (or maybe my true self came out. lol). Anyway, I pleaded and begged the cashier to help me out and to understand my dilemma. And of course they are required to say that it is against the stores policy to make an exception. I really was mainly frusterated with myself. How could I forget something so important. And then embarrassed for making a scene. I felt bad afterwards and wanted to rewind and start again.

So after dinner I went back and what Brian wanted was gone. Oh brother. I got his second choice and the cashier guy was gone also. No apology today. I use to get myself into these predicament when I was a teenager, what happened? I guess I made another memory. Brian just laughed at me when I told him the story. He knows I can get a little intense at times.

Anyway, today was a good day. Perfect day for my neighbor and I to take our dogs for a walk. They loved it. Then for lunch Brian, Hannah and I sat out on the deck and drank in the sunshine and the view. After Hannah went to bed we sat outside again and had ice cream. What a perfect ending to an almost perfect day. ~

Sunday ~

Ya know, I was thinking of so much to say today after reflecting on the message at church and on the books I've been reading, but I am afraid I'm going to have to make this short, leaving those other thoughts til' tomorrow.

It was a good day to be challenged. Our lives are suppose to be like running a race. You need to train, get into shape, create a disciplined routine, stay committed, and finish the race running like you want to win the prize. This definitely can apply to my commitment as a christian, but where it really hit home for me was in my dream of singing.

I've had this dream ever since I was six years old to be a professional singer, sharing a message through the songs I sang of God's power, His faithfulness and love to as many people as I could. Mainly though to churched people. I see so many (and have been this way myself) people going to church every Sunday, forgetting to praise God for His awesomeness, forgetting to thank Him for Jesus, forgetting to ask for His power and strength from His spirit. We all find ourselves going through the motions a lot of the time and I feel God wants to use me to remind others to feel Him again.

I've stopped running and started walking the track, hoping that God would show me an easier shortcut, but non has come my way so far. He needs me to be disciplined and determined, with the goal infront of me. This is a constant struggle. I deeply want God to see that I accomplished this goal and to be proud of me. Like I said it has been a good day to be challenged.

So many other things to talk about. = ) My family is doing good. We all had a much needed nap in the afternoon and made pancakes from scratch for dinner. (I was so proud of myself, lol)
I went to be bed early last night again and I'm telling you I am such a nicer, happier person. So I better get to sleep. Thank you for reading and considering my thoughts. I hope you can find comfort, support, and inspiration here. = ) Good night.

A Wonderful Time to Breathe ~

Usually my days consist of feedings, housework, naps (take em' when I can get em'!), cooking, errands, and time to be with the family, but on Saturdays I have a little outlet of time for myself. I have hidden away in our office, browsing the web and looking more into this blogging ritual I've begun. I am relaxed, able to breathe, and 'one' with my computer.

I look forward to these days of peacefulness. No responsibilities, no To-Do Lists, just time to find myself again. Ever since I got married I have found that I push away little bits of who I am to meet the needs of my husband, my pets, and now my children. I've done this to myself, mainly and am starting to miss the little unique qualities that make me, me. It is necessary, I think, to give to oneself. What did I like to do before I became an 'adult'? I liked taking walks or running in the rain, going to the library and looking at books for hours which felt like only a moment, taking long naps in the day and waking up refreshed, hanging with friends and enjoying laughter, finding little adventures that life placed infront of me to ad to my many memories, and pursuing my dreams as a singer/songwriter in any creative venue I could. I don't want to lose these things that bring me much happiness. My wonderful husband completely understands and is so supportive. He understands how sacred these Saturdays are to me and I greatly appreciate it!

Hannah is growing so much. She is now wanting to feed herself her cereal in the morning. She takes the spoon away from me and confidently places it in her mouth perfectly, well sort of. She has so much to say about everything.

This new other little baby resting inside of me is growing and getting stronger and bigger. I know it is doing well because I haven't. lol. = ) The mornings are great and when I try to get my chores done, but when the afternoon rolls around it feels like I am no good to anybody. I get very tired, dizzy and nausious. I've been picky over the food I eat. I noticed yesterday that I needed to go to bed at 9:00pm. It was a tough decision because that's when all the good shows come on. = ) But I have to say that I do feel much better today than normal.

Well, I think I should continue this tomorrow. This has been a wonderful break for me.

May 20th, 2005

Today started off pretty dreary. The rain pouring down then breaking for the sun to make it's appearance again and again. Hannah and I had our normal routine inside with breakfast, email time, playtime, nap time, and snacks all the time. What is up with that? She has learned the signs for "more" and "I'm hungry". So all throughout the day she was following me around telling me she was hungry and needed more food. I got so flustered that I called my sister-in-law and then my friend on what to do. I didn't want Hannah to learn that she needed to eat all the time or on the other hand make her starve til her regular meal times. My friend, Molly called me back and gave me some encouragement about the situation. She said it could probably be a growth spurt and if Hannah ate 2 dozen crackers for a day or two she would be fine. I really appreciated her advice and support. I have a tendency to worry over practically everything.

When it finally stopped raining I decided to take Hannah out to run some errands. It was nice to get out for a bit. Hannah is getting quite heavy now and I am wondering since I am three months pregnant when it will be time for me to stop carrying her around. She can walk pretty well, but it's a 50/50 chance if she will hold my hand or not. = ) So she is still being treated like my little baby.

I made dinner in the crockpot which was very yummy! I wanted to make something that all of us could eat. When I put some on Hannah's plate she gave me this huge excited look with her big brown eyes, looking like I hadn't fed her for two days. It was the cutest. I will have to say that recipe was a keeper!

Brian was suppose to play baseball today, but it got rained out so we probably will go for a nice walk with Hannah and Austin (our dog). Then when Hannah goes to bed have a date night watching, "Phantom of the Opera," with ice cream, yum. Then who knows what the rest of the evening will intail. Just kidding.

My Love's Inspiration ~

I've been inspired by so many people in my life. My husband, Brian inspires me to reach for my dreams, to be comfortable with who I am, and to shut my mouth and think before I speak. He is naturally a process thinker and does this effortlessly, I on the other hand am on a huge learning curve. Let's see I've been on it for hmm...over five years now. lol. My parents inspire me to love and accept others unconditionally and also through their 32 year commitment to eachother. My wonderful new friend, Stephanie, inspired me today to start my first ever webblog. It is a bit intiminating, but she made it sound like fun! = ) The only one however, who inspires me the most every single day is my little baby girl, Hannah.

She is the light of my life. She has the sweetest, honest spirit that is always radiating. Life makes her happy. Everything is a new experience for her and she delights in learning about it all. I watch her for hours going from one thing to the other studying, smiling, and filling her face with excitement and joy over the newest thing she has discovered. Hannah is 13 months old. She is walking and creating her own new language. I would not be surprised if I heard something similar in other part of the world.

How does she inspire me so much? She makes me want to be the best mom I can possibly be. When life starts to way on my shoulders she reminds me that there are still so many things to be discovered and enjoyed. Through her loving smile I find myself smiling. I know 100% that she puts her whole trust and love in me. What a gift to be given. I just can't imagine my life without her. And to think I have another one on the way. he, he. Or should I say 'Ug' give me another cracker. = )

Being a mom was pretty far off my radar screen when I found out I was pregnant with Hannah. But it's amazing how God creates someone so wonderful, so part of you and intrusts her into your care. I am the best mom for Hannah and she is the best daughter for me.